Poor Me
Here I am again. My life is just all messed up. I have no life outside my kids. I feel so bad all the time. I don't know what it is like to actually laugh anymore. I only pretend to have fun.I have to pretend everything is o.k. for my kids. On the inside, I feel like I am dying. I have gained 15 more pounds and don't think I can ever find another job. I have been fired from almost every job I've had. The depression has almost won. I find that people don't want to be around me. Hell, I don't even want to be around me but I have no choice. I am on my 3rd antibiotic and this awful odor is driving me insane. The doctor says its my sinuses and if this medicine doesn't work, I will have to see an ear, nose and throat specialist. That is just great. I hate living. I hate everything that goes with living except my kids. I do have some great kids even though they have an awful mother. I wish I could be the person I need to be but I can't seem to grow up or do things I need to do. I sleep all the time and now I have turned to food hence the extra weight I've gained. I have tried almost all the antidepressants and none of them seem to help me. I keep telling myself things have to get better but they don't. They just get worse. I might have a day where things go well that keep me going and from just falling apart. I don't even get support on here. What is wrong with me? I am just having a hard time coping. There are people that I have grown up with that are dying. A lady I went to church with almost all my life died and her daughter the same day, then my cousin passed away this passed week then I learned another lady I went to church with her mother's passed yesterday. All of these deaths going on around me. The economy is so bad and this world just feels like it is over. People are so screwed up and I am one of them. Life is so hard and then you die. I am rambling because I am depressed and see no light at all. Only God can intervene and help me. In this life, God is the only one you can trust.
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