pooped out
This is my first journal entry. I keep thinking I can do this without outside support. My husband is terrific, but I think this disease and what it is doing to me is difficult for him. Today I am frustrated. I had the shot last night (avonex) and I am pooped out. My body feels like it was in a trash compactor. I got out of bed tired and anticipate it will be one of those tired days. I miss feeling good. I don't like how I walk or the way people look at me, however the loss of energy and the ability to do what I want to do when i want to do it is frustrating. Sometimes I feel so hopeless and useless. And in reality i know this is not true. I am still teaching PE full time. My adminstration is supporting me by bringing in another person to teach in the afternoons when it is hot. I am very fortunate that they are being supportive. I think I feel stuck between being mobile and disabled. I hate this disease and being tired. I hate that it has made me change how I enjoy my spare time. I was very active and now have trouble cleaning the house. I have been learning to listen to my body and slow down. It is difficult to realize limitations. My faith does bring me comfort. I know God uses all for good. And I sometimes wonder how I can do this for the rest of this lifetime. I stay positive most of the time. today I am mad and tired. And feeling like this disease is stealing some of my joy of life.
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