Pool League
I was very down today after not sleeping and after sending that text to my ex last night that I loved her and wanted to hold her. No reply, which I guess is expected.
It is my weekend to have my 11-year old boy and it is a three day weekend, so I was consoling myself with that thought.
I went to play in a pool league tonight for something to do. I was up in my 9-ball match when my son texted me to say he has plans for Monday and wants me to take him home Sunday instead. After seeing him all the time up until Christmas, it is very hard now to only see him Tuesday nights and every other weekend. It doesn't seem fair to not have him for the full long weekend, but I know it is nothing personal. Still I'm very sad about it.
I got crushed at both 9-ball and 8-ball. Couldn't shoot well to save my life. Maybe next week.
I saw a therapist today. I'm not sure how it went. It is hard to tell with one visit. My insurance won't cover it, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to go or for how long. She is charging me a reduced rate of $90 per session, but I don't have that much left per month after rent and child support, etc. I'm going to pull from savings for a month or two and see how it goes.
I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm not sleeping and not able to concentrate at work, and my memory isn't working, so I need to pull it together. I have to perform well and not lose my job.
She is still consuming my thoughts - her scent, her kiss, her soft hair, her twinkle in her eye when she is up to mischief... She was told her Indian name is Laugheyes by an old Indian woman in a nursing home. It fits her well. I miss her so much.
Still, I realize looking back that I could never be what she wanted me to be, and that whether intentional or not I was being used. I also realized she did not take a single vacation with just me since my son was born, but she spent 27 days down in Marathon Island with Neil last year. That should tell me something, but it doesn't make it any easier. I need to break out of this self-pity mode and find hope soon. This is no way to live.
It is my weekend to have my 11-year old boy and it is a three day weekend, so I was consoling myself with that thought.
I went to play in a pool league tonight for something to do. I was up in my 9-ball match when my son texted me to say he has plans for Monday and wants me to take him home Sunday instead. After seeing him all the time up until Christmas, it is very hard now to only see him Tuesday nights and every other weekend. It doesn't seem fair to not have him for the full long weekend, but I know it is nothing personal. Still I'm very sad about it.
I got crushed at both 9-ball and 8-ball. Couldn't shoot well to save my life. Maybe next week.
I saw a therapist today. I'm not sure how it went. It is hard to tell with one visit. My insurance won't cover it, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to go or for how long. She is charging me a reduced rate of $90 per session, but I don't have that much left per month after rent and child support, etc. I'm going to pull from savings for a month or two and see how it goes.
I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm not sleeping and not able to concentrate at work, and my memory isn't working, so I need to pull it together. I have to perform well and not lose my job.
She is still consuming my thoughts - her scent, her kiss, her soft hair, her twinkle in her eye when she is up to mischief... She was told her Indian name is Laugheyes by an old Indian woman in a nursing home. It fits her well. I miss her so much.
Still, I realize looking back that I could never be what she wanted me to be, and that whether intentional or not I was being used. I also realized she did not take a single vacation with just me since my son was born, but she spent 27 days down in Marathon Island with Neil last year. That should tell me something, but it doesn't make it any easier. I need to break out of this self-pity mode and find hope soon. This is no way to live.
Replies
Just keep focusing on loving your son!!!.....And yourself.
Believe me it gets easier it just takes time, you have to go through it there\'s no shortcut. My breakup was March 2 2014 and it\'s way better, it\'s a slow process but over time you find yourself healing and the hurt, while still there isn\'t nearly as painful and all encompassing. You WILL get there. Socializing is good too like playing pool tonight, but really watch the alcohol. For me that made it a lot worse. Take care my friend
Thursday night, 1/17. Played in the pool league. Had only water to drink. Feeling good about having my son for dinner tomorrow and my ex deciding not to come. I kicked @ss at both 8-ball and 9-ball. It is good socializing - didn\'t talk about the divorce or my ex at all, and it is always nice to win my matches. Now, if only I can get back on track with sleeping - still can\'t sleep.