Pontificating

The good news is that James's wireless laptop is working again, so I won't have to sit up to work at the computer.  Writing is such a good outlet for me, and I've really missed it. I've been flat on my back for four weeks now.  Four weeks and one day.  It has given me so much opportunity to think and pontificate about this all, but I feel like I haven't been able to sort it all out with it still in my head.  I'll try to put a little of it down now, but it's a lot of things to work through.  I hope I get to write a lot more in the days to come. The thing I've been thinking about most recently is that babies are being made inside me.  According to one book, they're about 3/4 inch this week.  They're getting their top lips, tips of their noses, and working on their hands and feet.  Whenever I have a hard time with the nausea and fatigue, I talk to the babies as if they're doing it to me.  But they don't even have lower lips yet; how can it be their fault that I feel so bad?  And certainly they didn't invent this whole process, or ask to be conceived (through a very expensive and laborious process).  But God knows I am not making these babies.  I'm just eating and lying down.  I don't know the first thing about putting the right cells in the right places.  I'm not entirely sure even where the uterus is right now.   So who is making the babies?  If I believed in God, I'd think that was the answer.  Since I don't, I'm left with answers like "magic," or "this is a mystery of the universe."  I can't wrap my head around it at all.  I mean, to think that gestation is an "involuntary" process -- that I volunteered for to the extreme -- I just don't get it. I made an appointment for the first of the genetic screening tests today.  It's bloodwork and ultrasound -- the first trimester nucal somethingorother.  When I called the office they asked what reasons my doctor had referred me for this.  I looked down at the gibberish on the bottom of the form.  Two of the things they had circled were AMA - primigravida 35 or > (I figured this means that I'm OLD) and twins (this one was pretty self-explanatory).  I know some people don't get these tests because they will go through with the pregnancy no matter what the results show.  I am not planning on terminating anybody based on any of these findings, but I do like having more information than not.  I mean, if nobody is driving, I like to know that the cruise control is working. So that's the pontification for the moment.  Gotta rest. Keep up the good work, girls.  Ashley, enjoy your new shots!  MrsStacy, I'm pulling for your embryos! Kay