Pondering Powerlessness
I was reading in Karla Downing's book yesterday how we are powerless over our spouse's behaviors, feelings, addictions, etc. Reflecting on this, it really draws a hard line between what is "ours" and what is "theirs". Another statement she makes on her website is that "what they do comes out of who they are" not necessarily something against us (though it may be aimed at us, I'm thinking).
These statements got me to thinking (uh-oh!)...I think I really struggle with being powerless sometimes, because I like to be in control! When I'm in control, I have maximum effect over my outcomes (that perfectionist thing again). When I can affect my outcomes, fear is minimized or even eliminated. And of course, the opposite rings true: the less control, the less impact on outcome, the greater the fear.
(I have to say, I was trying to articulate that yesterday & it finally came together just now!)
But I do have to come to terms with the truth of being powerless: there are certain things that I have absolutely no control over, like the sunrise & sunset, the weather, the traffic, but most importantly WHO PEOPLE ARE. The first things are easy to accept; the last one--not so much! But really, there is no difference.
Today I was powerless over my husband. I could not change his priorities, desires, and actions. I sure as heck don't like them, but I cannot change them. Just as I can't change the traffic & must adjust my route around it or resign to sitting in it, I can't change him & must adjust my life route & at times, resign to "sitting in" the relationship. It sure makes it easier to think in terms of "I" statements, though. I don't have to like anything! And they're not "mine" to change.
These statements got me to thinking (uh-oh!)...I think I really struggle with being powerless sometimes, because I like to be in control! When I'm in control, I have maximum effect over my outcomes (that perfectionist thing again). When I can affect my outcomes, fear is minimized or even eliminated. And of course, the opposite rings true: the less control, the less impact on outcome, the greater the fear.
(I have to say, I was trying to articulate that yesterday & it finally came together just now!)
But I do have to come to terms with the truth of being powerless: there are certain things that I have absolutely no control over, like the sunrise & sunset, the weather, the traffic, but most importantly WHO PEOPLE ARE. The first things are easy to accept; the last one--not so much! But really, there is no difference.
Today I was powerless over my husband. I could not change his priorities, desires, and actions. I sure as heck don't like them, but I cannot change them. Just as I can't change the traffic & must adjust my route around it or resign to sitting in it, I can't change him & must adjust my life route & at times, resign to "sitting in" the relationship. It sure makes it easier to think in terms of "I" statements, though. I don't have to like anything! And they're not "mine" to change.
Replies