Pondering...
So here I am in my second IUI cycle and I have really been thinking about a lot of things lately. This journey of trying 18 months naturally, then moving to IUI's has been so crazy. There's a couple of things I want to vent about and one is who I decided to tell that Marcus and I are trying to concieve. When we first started this, I had the mindset that we would get preggo in 6 months the longest, so telling everyone that we were trying to concieve was a fun thing. All my famiy and friends (who ALL have babies) were waiting for us to start, since we waited until Marcus was out of the miitary and we were back home to start. Well, as months and months went along, nothing...and it was getting more and more frustrating when people would ask us how it was going. I"m a naturally open person by nature so I probably tell people more than they should know. So now that we are on our fertility treatments, I can't help but feel less than a woman, embarressed and I feel like everytime people are around us, they feel sorry for us for having infertility issues and think to themsleves "that poor couple"...I really wish that I would have kept his whole thing quiet, but I can't turn back now. I just have to be smart on what comes out of my mouth from here on out.
Another thing that comes to mind is who my real friends are. I"m at the age when the once CLOSE friends I had since childhood are not there for support as I thought they would be. Then surprisingly, I have a few friends what I met a year ago that are just amazing. For example, my friend Meghan called me for a lunch date last week. Well I had my CD3 scan for my IUI and she offered to pick me up and come with me. I lliteraly cried at my desk and I was so moved by this. That I can definitely appreciate. On the other hand, I have chosen to distance myself from certain people and just focus on things and people that are important and of course supportive. I've also gotten off of Facebook which has really been such a relief.
I hate to feel sorry for myself but I also understand that I have to have a pity party once in a while to process this whole thing. Just to know that I'm not along in feeling this way would be a great comfort.
KJ
Another thing that comes to mind is who my real friends are. I"m at the age when the once CLOSE friends I had since childhood are not there for support as I thought they would be. Then surprisingly, I have a few friends what I met a year ago that are just amazing. For example, my friend Meghan called me for a lunch date last week. Well I had my CD3 scan for my IUI and she offered to pick me up and come with me. I lliteraly cried at my desk and I was so moved by this. That I can definitely appreciate. On the other hand, I have chosen to distance myself from certain people and just focus on things and people that are important and of course supportive. I've also gotten off of Facebook which has really been such a relief.
I hate to feel sorry for myself but I also understand that I have to have a pity party once in a while to process this whole thing. Just to know that I'm not along in feeling this way would be a great comfort.
KJ
Replies
I can so relate...it sucks when you learn the hard way who is not a true friend, you end up feeling vulnerable and so betrayed, or at least I do. Its been really hard for me to wrap my mind around this whole infertility journey. Some days I can conquer the world and other days its all I can do to get out of bed or not punch people in the face.
I\'m not much of a crier, although I would love to cry and let it out, I just can\'t seem to get there. I think I am afraid that if I start crying there won\'t be an end. Not to mention, if I cry about this then it becomes more real and I think emotionally I just can\'t take that.
I\'ve been really open about this process with friends and some family and regret it most of the time. So I am currently trying to figure out how I can pull it all back in. I told my hubby last night that if anybody asks, we are taking time off. Not sure if that will be the truth or not but nobody else needs to know at this point.....except my DS ladies of course :D
WOW that is a GREAT idea, the \"taking time off\" thing! I think I might copy and use that just to get all of the \"attention\" off of me. I just had lunch with a girlfriend and she was asking a gazillion questions. I know she\'s just curious but boy would it be nice to just not have anyone ask you for a while!
I totally understand how you feel.. you kind of get to know that most people can\'t relate to IF and they are no longer your friends.. whereas surprising you get to know that there are people that you least expect to care for you.. and that is definitely a great relief.. I hope that you do get your BFP this time...