Plugging on...
Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mother's death way too many years ago. There were many times I did wind up a bit melancholy and blue (not necessarily recognizing why until after some thought. ) It was a week before her birthday as well.
Rmb recently did lose her mom as well. It did bring that all right back... Just how hard it is to lose someone we love. In the end it is ultimately better for them (no pain or suffering). I spent alot of time regretting things I never got to say or do. I did so wish she was around longer so that I could have gotten to the point of being able to drive and actually do more things with and for her (like my older sister had the chance to do. ) I was not yet out of the teen years where I wanted to be with friends rather than have to help her. A very good point made by many is to cherish and enjoy those you love while they are still around (and can understand)
It is funny though. This time I did not feel quite so sad . I do love and miss her so much, but I have been working hard to try to focus and do what I need to feel better and go after my goals. When I do think about that--- a big part of that is for her. She would do anything for anyone but was often discounted and ridiculed by my dad especially. All the women were that way. Still are. Sometime back when I did tell my sister and cousin of my choice and plan to divorce, they did of course question the hows and is it possible, but then actually had smiles at the thought of being strong enough to try. (both of them have not had the best of marriages either, but they stuck it out. ) My newfound hope makes me want to do it for all of us.
The diet and exercise... Had a bit of a slip some extra carbs in a late snack did slow the scale, but I am not going to hide my tail between my legs and revert back to my old ways. Because of my schedule and after work appts ... I have missed some bike time, but am getting my ass back on it. I am noticing I am feeling so much better with the exercising. I do the recommmended exercises but have also added more to stretch things out and work more muscles (yep they are still in there. haha)
To sum things up--- still have that positive outlook and grasp of health , hope and happiness. It is a bit challenging though as I am juggling work, getting healthy, doing things around the house and working on steps I need to move forward. I do have some things not getting done most days.... but am now realizing I can still ' get er done'. just need to prioritize... and the days of putting the bike and exercises odd are done.
BTW--- since overindulging on nachos, I will be expecting some of those gentle smacks to put me back in line. (Bill please keep that 2 x 4 in the closet.... would rather a firm hand. ) Hmmm wait, was I too eager??? heehee
Replies
hey I will just stab your hand with a fork for reaching for those nachos.....they are mine! all Mine!
My mom has been gone for 2 years and I miss her and I have a real hard time to this day.When its her birthday anniversary of her passing and the holiday I get very emotional.we were very close and we did a lot of things together.
I'm thankful she got a few good years while she was sick and she got to see a grand daughter and be around a couple years of her life and go visit family back in Sweden seing that's where my parents were from.
Next Friday is my husbands birthday so send him your nachos.
That sounds like a plan . I will cook and bake all the yummy stuff I should steer clear of and send it to you guys. (Big grin here)
We recently sold our house and decided to rent an apartment until we figure out if we want to buy a condo or just a smaller house. I love the apartment. It’s beautiful, easy, in a great part of the city, close to work etc. I’m so happy here. But it’s so hard to fully enjoy because I almost feel guilty that good things are happening in my life while my mom was dying. I know this is irrational I just would have loved to have been able to have her over and make tea for her and hear her tell me how happy she was for me. I just still, at 54 years old want her to be proud of me. My mom’s Alzheimer’s prevented us from doing a lot of stuff outside her house after while because of her mobility issues anyway but moving was hard for me because it was a change my mom would not ever know. But this I know. All my mom ever wanted was for her kids to be happy. She didn’t care what we did for a living, our beliefs, our choices, as long as we were happy. She never passed judgement on us. Just be happy was her thing. So I think of that a lot these past few days since she passed and I know she would want me to carry on and live how I want to live. Your mom wants you to be happy. Remember that always because it will fortify you when you feel doubt. You are making her so proud by not only wanting more for yourself but by starting to put some changes in motion. You honor your mom by doing that. That’s powerful stuff.
Thank you so much. I do want this so badly now and can see it happening . Today I did bring him home from shot for macular Degeneration in his eyes (i think is what it is called) He tells me now he is not supposed to be driving. (hopefully temporary) His sister has occasionally taken him , but he has said if she is not available, he will go anyhow if I work.
Just as you said, I do also almost feel guilty for still having this resolve and desire for so much more (while more goes wrong for him) I would like to think that you are right... ultimately they do want us to be happy.