PLEASE READ AND OFFER ADVICE

today is the 8 month anniversary of my rape, and i'm struggling today, i feel suicidal, i feel like cutting, i am stressed beyond what i can handle, i am having panic attacks continuously, and if i call the crisis line, they'll tell me to go to the hospital, and i don't wanna end up in the hospital, cuz i have been hospitalized 5 times for my PTSD, major depression and other issues i have.somebody please help