Please read.
The Reason I Fear the Dark.
Share
Yesterday at 12:10am
As I sit here with eyes burning with anxious fear and excitement I try to keep my mind on my immediate needs. Drifting slowly to unrestfull slumber I start to wonder why when trying to sleep my mind wanders to the hardest parts of my life. I twist and face to the wall feeling that if i were to think of being next to someone i may not feel as lonely as I know I am. I look back to the door and long for someone to walk through it and smile. I watch, and almost expect it to open for a few seconds that seem like hours. I turn again to lay head to foot upon my bed, moving my thoughts to another subject that pains me. With so many impossibly uncomfortable positions to lay in on my bed I find a new way to feel sorry for myself and weep. I wake in the morning as much a man as any other but when you enter my mind, be it through mention or passing thought, I sink into the background and let myself become less noticable. I fear the thought of igniting new flames to warm myslef or light a cigarette.
This was written by my son Tony. What do you think?
I'm having a very hard time right now. missing Jeffy like crazy. The 3 year day is happening next month. I see lots of valium in my futre. The days and weeks before are always worse than the actual day OF, right?
Share
Yesterday at 12:10am
As I sit here with eyes burning with anxious fear and excitement I try to keep my mind on my immediate needs. Drifting slowly to unrestfull slumber I start to wonder why when trying to sleep my mind wanders to the hardest parts of my life. I twist and face to the wall feeling that if i were to think of being next to someone i may not feel as lonely as I know I am. I look back to the door and long for someone to walk through it and smile. I watch, and almost expect it to open for a few seconds that seem like hours. I turn again to lay head to foot upon my bed, moving my thoughts to another subject that pains me. With so many impossibly uncomfortable positions to lay in on my bed I find a new way to feel sorry for myself and weep. I wake in the morning as much a man as any other but when you enter my mind, be it through mention or passing thought, I sink into the background and let myself become less noticable. I fear the thought of igniting new flames to warm myslef or light a cigarette.
This was written by my son Tony. What do you think?
I'm having a very hard time right now. missing Jeffy like crazy. The 3 year day is happening next month. I see lots of valium in my futre. The days and weeks before are always worse than the actual day OF, right?
Replies
I just want to hug him. So much emotion, so much sadness. His heart is broken. Love and comfort to Tony, and to you mom...Teri
Wow, he is a deep thinker and writes from his heart. Seldom do our kids show us how much they continue to grieve (atleast mine) so it\'s good to express himself but painful too. I pray for comfort for all of you. Love Robin
Colleen...so powerful...it is so hard for us and oftentimes we forget how hard it is for the brothers and sisters. Thank you for sharing his thoughts with us...love to you...Karen
He was really a deep thinker and his words brought me to tears. My son Mark was also a very deep thinker. Well beyond his years. I am missing him like crazy right now also. Sandi
My heart goes out to Tony. Just recently, my remaining son shared with me that he is feeling much guilt and pain over losing his brother. All I can do is assure him that his guilt is unfounded and no one on the face of the earth holds him in the slightest blame. Jason is a heroin survivor (clean almost 3 years now) but his brother died of it. It is so painful to bear not only our lose, but to witness the pain of our remaining children. Hugs, B
Sounds like he thinks more than most. Quite beautiful and powerful. Hugs Cathy
Hugging you tightly my dear. Thinking of you on your angel day. Yes, I think the days preceding the special day (be it a birthday, holiday, or the angel day) are harder than the actual day. Please feel free to talk to me anytime. My only child was killed almost 4 years ago....we are survivors. love, lana