PLEASE HELP!!! *Despair!!*
Please, I'm in tears! I feel like ripping my hair out, cutting, smashing my fist through a window, ANYTHING but living the way I am at the moment!!! Does anyone relate to this? If you do please help me!!! I keep having days where I'm restricting like crazy, can't eat ANYTHING apart from salad or veg I've been losing weight too...but then I have a crazy night or two of bingeing. It's getting worse and I'm scared. I binge to the point of feeling sick but I think it's mainly because it's all sweet stuff rather than the amount. I can't purge, I never have been able to so it ALL stays inside. I take laxatives afterwards because I freak out but I know this doesn't get rid of it. It's just helps me a little psychologically. Then I spend the next few days restricting and exercising again and each time my weight goes down a bit extra.... but then I crave another binge. It's doing my head (and my stomach) in! I hate it so much!!! Thing is when I'm restricing I'm ok. I don't crave, but my Mum, obviously she tries to get me to eat more than veg or salad, and it's when I do this... (break my veg or salad restriction) than I think, "sod it, I've already broken it so I'll binge". If I don't eat ANYHING I'm ok. I'm trying to get help but I know the only way I'm going to get the help I need is to go inpatient, but I'm never going to get to inpatients if I keep bingeing because my weight wont go low enough. HELP ME PLEASE!!! I'm sorry this is so long! I'm so upset right now!!!
Replies
omg! I am the exact same way. I know exactly how you feel since I have been battling that cycle since junior year in high school, and that has been almost four years since. It all first started when I decided to eat more wholesome and to cut off sweet and junk food. After a few months, I was doing well, until one day when I had a piece of candy and felt super guilty for eating it, then something bad happened at school and I got a full blown binge and purge disorder. It had been so terrible for me and I am still wishing every single day that it will just go away one day, which I doubt.
I have finally decided to go to a rehab place for treatment a few hours ago and I just got put on lexapro. I\'ll tell you how it goes, but apparently, the shrink told me that I have some chemical imbalance and lexapro might help with that and the eating disorder.
Wow. This is the first time I\'ve been on this sight and I am so glad I found your post. I have been hating myself for years for keep going back to junk food and not being able to control myself when I eat bad food and I have not had anyone to share that feeling with. I have always hated the fact that I can\'t control myself and cannot maintain a skinny body. Everytime I binge, I would feel horrible, like I want to die or to run away since I felt like a fat bull. I cried so much everytime I binge. Afterward, I would have the urge to detox the bad stuff out of me, so I have tried so many different detox and laxatives. I ruined my digestive system with the binging and purging but could not stop doing it, so now I have to get treated for gastrointestinal malfunction or something, not good at all and I am totally hate it. I feel like my whole life has been trashed ever since the eating disorder started. I have gone through soooo many cycles like that. All I can tell you is that just know that you are going to be okay and get some help. Go see someone to talk to. I think that I have some unresolved issues manifesting as an eating disorder or I am binging and purging to try to control myself, Idk yet. I just started treatment but I will tell you how it goes. Best of luck and hang in there. That\'s what I am doing.
The danger of ED has nothing to do with your weight and every good doctor knows that. It sounds like you really need IP and be forced for a while to eat healthy just to change your behavior. I am so glad I took that step and I urge you to do the same. By the way laxies make you mostly lose water weight and mess up your digestive tract in the process.