Please excuse me while I lose my mind

So after I had my baby, I chose to have an IUD for birth control. No pills to remember, no shots that make you gain weight and make you crazy, sure! Perfect choice for me. It has the same efficacy as traditional bc. 99.9% According to studies only 2 in 1000 women get pregnant in the first year after insertion. And there is a possibility that you period will stop altogether. Woohoo! No more monthly agony and a really stupid slim chance that I'll get pregnant again. So, here we are 12 days away from my daughter's first birthday, adn I am having ALL of the symptoms of pregnancy. Nausea, dizziness, irritability, crying if you look at me wrong, feeling weak, wanting to sleep 24/7, and I'll be damned if I didn't feel movement the last few days. MOVEMENT! That would put me somewhere between 15 and 20 weeks. What the ever loving fuck?! This is absolutely ridiculous. My darling husband has gone off to the local Wal~Mart to pick up an 88 cent test. IF I am pregnant with the damned IUD still in place, I pretty much have to leave it there. I risk miscarriage if I have it removed. And I risk preterm labor if I leave it. What lovely options. I'd rather deliver early than miscarry. I've been down the miscarriage aisle. I don't want to ever go there again. I feel like my head is going to explode and my stomach is going to fall out of me. I am so nervous. Would I like to have more children? Yes. Do I want that to be now? No. That's why we chose a bc method that was supposed to last 5 years. My sister and I are 5 years apart in age. It was the perfect space between us. 18ish months? Not good. No bueno. Nuh uh. I will not be a happy camper. Shit, we can hardly afford life as it is, now. Let's add another baby in. LOVELY! UGHHHHHHH! Ok. So, I guess I will piss on the lovely little stick when my husband gets home, and find out if my daughter will have a new sibling soon or if mommy needs to see a head shrink. If I'm pregnant. I'm writing to the people at Mirena and telling them their Aries symbol shaped contraceptive is SHIIT!