Playing hooky

OK so I have not written for a while, that is because during the week I am busy with my freaking job and trying not to pass out. Today, even  though I feel extremely guilty, i decided to call in sick. I just can't imagine working 11 hours today.  My week was horrible but I have a lot of positive insight from it. ON monday, I hada good day at work and even went home early. Of course, me have a good day? No I had to go and screw it up. I was supposed to go and buy new shoes, and as I was buying all I could think about was food. As I got back into my car, I was trying to figure out what I was going to have for dinner. I freaked out thinking of what Iwas going to eat, because I did not want to eat a lot and I had no food at home. Then the stupid ED voice was in my head, telling me how good popeyes biscuits sounded. I remember feeling almost dizzy as I went in to the popeyes. I ordered a sandwich, a dozen biscuits, and fries. I  remember feeling so excited about the food that Iwas shaking and my heart was pounding. I ate it in my car on the way to another fast food place to get cookies. a big box of cookies. When I got home, I was so exhausted that I could not even get myself to purge. I sat all night, my stomach feeling like it was about to explode. I felt so sick that I only got 2 hours od sleep. I went to bed at 2 and woke up at 4. When I woke up, I decided to try to have a normal day. I know that I could have restricted, being that I felt sick and also because I was freaked out about the calories...you know the mental drill, but I decided to forget about the binge and have a normal day. I ate breakfast, even though my stomach was already full. I went to the gym and worked out even though I thought I was going to have a heart attack...and I went to work. After feeling like I was going to die I went home and crashed. yesterday I had a normal day as well and today I called into work sick and I am just going to relax because I am so tired. I feel pretty good now, but I just hope I can have a good day. The hardest part for me is staying at home and resting, because that when my ED creeps up on me. I also made an appt. with my nutristionist, so It looks like my life is starting to look up. Oh yea, while I am venting away. one of my clients keeps telling me how good I look and I want to slap her. I know she is being positive, by saing I have a nice body etc etc...but now I feel like if I gain weight, people won't think I am pretty anymore. Iam so afraid of that.