Pin Cushion

I am beginning to dread the fertility clinic. I enter with such hopes that I am ovulating or that we some how got pregnant on our own, only to get the call that my levels are not up or a hormone is missing...so I have to go back in a couple of days. I am charting my temperatures in vein, hoping that what is going on this month will make sense. I feel like a pin cushion...the nurse is really nice but ithe more times I go for blood it hurts more and more. I hope that we get some good news tomorrow. I have prayed that this month of May would work out for us...after all isn't May the month of Mary and mothers? Today during mass I almost had a break down. Each reading was about life and new life. All I could think about was hard June was going to be. I am hoping that Mass was a sign of new life for our family. That God was speaking to me and that we will get pregnant this month before June and be celebrating new life in 9 months. I am scared to hope because I have had 3 years of disappointment and heart ache. I know that one day I will understand why things happen the way they do and I will become a better person because of it.