Pieces = Whole

 
One thing I didn't write about in my update is regarding my recent visit to my hometown on Saturday. My school was having its 100th anniversary, so I thought I'd go (after all, how often does your school turn 100?). I mentioned it to one of my friends up there on FB (he was the very first friend I ever made--I was 4 & he was almost 3) & he said, let's get together!
 
So I went up & the weather was wonderful, though a bit breezy. Sunlight sparkled off the ocean & the wind had a salty smell to it. I went to my old school & did a tour, on which I saw an old classmate of mine, who gave me a hug--even though he was one of the cool kids & I was NOT! We got to write on lists outside the rooms who taught there & when & I remembered ALL my teachers & rooms! There was also lots of historical paraphernalia in the auditorium, which was really neat.
 
When it was all done, my friend met up with me (he had to go to his son's soccer game 1st). Last time I saw him, I was 15. He's much taller than me now! But we hugged & joked then went back to his new (used) car that he just got (calling it his mid-life crisis car) to tour the town a little. Then we got a bite to eat (I missed lunch & he barely had anything to eat all day) & caught up with our lives: how we met our spouses, struggles with the kids, etc.
 
Finally, we went to visit his parents (who, coincidentally, live in my old house). It was so wonderful to see them & they were so happy to see me too! When we were kids, they were like 2nd parents to me (my friend was like the brother I never had!). We had a nice talk & finally it was time to go. My friend brought me back to my car & said we shouldn't let so much time pass next time we see each other; indeed--32 years is too long!
 
Here's the thing: when we were talking with his parents, his mom expressed her appreciation of me keeping in touch with them throughout the years (unlike my mom, who had been her friend). Then she asked me, what motivates me to do that? I had to stop & think a moment, then I replied: "I've moved around a lot. Every place I've lived, every person I've known is a part of who I am."
 
Once I said that out loud, it was like a lightening bolt went through me: kind of like the DNA of all my ancestors are a little piece of my physical being, so are all my experiences, relationships & residences part of my emotional being. Sort of like threads woven together in a tapestry, I pondered later. And the tapestry seems to be very beautiful.
 
I'd always compartmentalized the places I've lived or the sets of friends I've had; they've always seemed like disjointed pieces of the puzzle that is me. Now I've realized it's not like that at all. Each "thread" is important & plays a key part in me. Mentally, I used to go back in time & try to "keep the memories alive". Now I realize that the imprints made on me are what is alive. I don't have to go back--they are already there. For example, I didn't play the "remember that" game with my friend (though we did have a few reminisciences); we talked a lot about what's going on now with us, because now is what we've become.
 
And now my mind is blown; I think this is one major thing I've been trying all my life to come to terms with. And I've more than come to terms with it!