physical muffle wich is hard to live w/ and other stuff

most fo the time the idea is there but i can nessarly comunicate the idea i want to go as i like to
wich is ard to deal w/ that ishue and the fact i sttuter and the fact i cant relly have my mom to be there for understanding furhter more i hate how i cant alwasy go in a conversation w/ ppl becase i cant alwasy fallow it becase i loose attion or the converstation is too long for me tro be able to keep going  wwhen that happends its almost as if my mind gets locked in becase its too long and thus i tend to feel like at times i have to avoid talking at times becase i dont want to seem like im rude but the same time i dont wanna end up bumping into the flaws of my ablity to cominucate.... its ok when im doing stuff w/ friends becase they woudl udnerstand and would at times  if they understood how theyd basicly phrase things i can understand 
but  in a work envirment they dont know how nor twoudl they have the time to even learn how  and at some times it would seem like they would not care to 
 
and another thing ive expirance is manny times i feel like i need a hug  for nop partical resion and some times w/ resion aslo be only becase  i at tiems can be a bit sencitive
i honselt dont know hwo to fix all them problems  
at times i just wanna pack all my problesm and sned them sail  w/ me  ramming it w/ my fist in a exopsceleton that would enable me to punch that bag so ahrd it would fly out of the milky way  and still keep going  at the speed of sound
at times its simpler to hug a stuffed teddy bear and not say a word and at tiems if i relly felt bad  sjut cry still they worst part was over
 
aslo i find im too broke  for all of my spechail demands   evert thing i do or say or ask  for  latly  seemes to never get done becase im far to broke i feel  its not fair i should suffer on the part of my learnign disabilites at the least  but yeah  all in all i just hate comuniucating at times  and as of right now im feeling that neeed for a hug  feeling  that has no known or understandable resion for it
wich i hate  but i cant help it