Phone conversation

My husband left me a voice mail several days ago to let me know he was out of rehab, and anticipated talking to me soon.  I never called back.  My stomach hurt every time I thought about him and I was busy doing healthy things.  Last night, his parents and I met halfway at a restaurant and had a bitch session, not to be nasty, but to share information and make sure we were on the same page.  I felt better after that conversation. Tonight my husband called me and we had a strange conversation.  He wanted some updates on my life, so I told him that the condo we used to live in together had been rented out and that I was living in a new apartment.  He congratulated me, "As long as you're doing what you want to do!"  (Hello?  Like I wanted to lose the person I thought was a loving husband to a severe mental illness, drug addiction, infidelity, and fatal disease, and lose my gorgeous home in the process?  The whole thing is his fault and he doesn't even say "sorry"?)  I asked him how he was doing with his recovery, and he said, well, I've got a good team of doctors and my meds are balanced, and I cut him off and asked him whether he hadn't had those things in place before he relapsed, and he just went on and told me about how his apartment was lonely so he's glad to make a six-month commitment to a sober house (the same one he was kicked out of before, after which he was relieved to go to another sober house, after which he was relieved to live on his own in an apartment...).  It's total deja vu.  He's talking about this sober house exactly the same way he did the first time he went in.  Nothing to indicate he has learned anything in the past year.  Nothing to indicate that he can actually last six months in this place.  He did not mention the $1251.22 that I paid for his treatment, although he did thank me in the voice mail earlier this week.  He did not acknowledge the seriousness of his last relapse or give reasons why he feels more secure in his recovery now (if in fact he does).  He told me that one of his cohorts in some "program" died of complications of HIV, and that he is anticipating going on an HIV medication regimen within six months (although not the cocktail that would be most medically effective because that one has psychiatric side effects).  He asked me about the status of our divorce and I said the papers were still going through the court and I had no further updates; then I asked whether he felt he had a plan in place in case he "got upset" (euphemism for "suicidal") when the papers arrive.  He assured me that he will get upset, but that he is doing "a lot of work" with his therapist to be able get through the divorce.  (No recognition that I am doing all the work on this divorce paperwork, that he is the cause of it, and that I am the one paying for it.  Again, no "sorry".)  "Divorce is still not want I want," he reminded me.  (Ha ha ha ha ha ha...)  When we signed off, he said, "Let me know if you need anything."  (Ha ha ha ha ha ha...)