Phobia/Paranoia Check
Are my Mask Phobia and Covidic Paranoia holding steady? For certain, neither have found their miricle cure, but methinks they are holding steady. "Not Worse" is all I am really hoping for at this stage. I don't worry the treatment my psychoses(pl) stabilize far enough for long enough that I can distinguish a fact from a feeling. I'm not quite there yet. Facts don't change. They are as solid as a tree in the psychic fog. Feelings change continually. In this analogy, I liken them to the fog, itself. When lost in a literal fog, the best thing is to sit tight until the fog lifts, lest you find yourself more lost than before. The analogy carries easily for me in my psychotic fogs.
This very post be a test of the covidic paranoia. Will my attempts to speak bring on hoardes of maskites on a mission to get me to proper containment camp? Testing, 1, 2, 3. . .
Is it progress that I the very question is tempting me to laughter?
It is solid progress that I can leave the mood icon squarely on "Okay." So far, I don't feel worse. I'm sorta, kinda okay with knowing The Covidic Wars are still going. Who knows what the morrow may bring?
I still can't look a maskite in the eye, but I am getting to wear I can distinguish some of their words if I listen hard enough. Closing my eyes while I listen helps me focus on hearing.
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In the early rounds of healing a psychotic break, my most trusted measures of progress is when I can attempt to speak ^it^ and hold steady after the attempt.
So far, so good. Still holding steady. I only looked for the maskite mob in biohazard suits careening up the driveway in big black SUV's a few times and was able to chuckle at my compulsion to do so. A nervous chuckle, but a chuckle, nonetheless. . . I wonder which medical horror movie I got that scenario from. Just wondering without enough curiosity to do the research.
Progress over perfection. . .
Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.
Methinks I'll start attempting to make eye contact with the working class heroes who are being forced to wear masks in order to pay their rent.
I started the exposure therapy for the mask phobia during lunch monitor duty at the elementary school with the few children who wear masks to school. The majority of those few treat their masks like a submission to parental mandates, wearing them as beards and/or necklaces more than face coverings. Then, of course, you have the fashion divas sporting carefully coordinated fashion accessories.
The children who are simply humoring domineering parents are easy to make eye contact and even share smiles with. Works in progress for the fashion divas. I didn't do so well with making eye contact with the pre-corona fashion divas, either. Different thread. . .