phobia check iii

methinks the irrational fears (phobia) of coronavile are calming. the difficulty of communicating without the aid of lip reading remain, but those difficulties have a rational physical base. no amount of political guilt tripping or psychotherapy can overcome physical realities. i feel justified in generally ignoring maskites rather than straining to know if they are talking to me or not. when i must approach a maskite for information, i ply therapy tools to calm and sharpen my focus for listening before approaching. since visuals only distract from that listening focus, it's better if i don't look at them, anyway. in the absence of lip reading, one cannot listen with their eyes.

it remains a reality that THEY can and will at least attempt to pull another global shutdown with more practiced cruelty, but i am plying the "catastrophizing" therapy tools to that vague reality. i don't GET to know the future. a good outcome is as likely as a bad one. living my life in fear of what THEY MIGHT do is foolish. the nameless, faceless billions in the masky dask of coronaville are going to do what THEY are going to do. ya can't predict fashion accesories. are surgical masks really that different than young-at-heart cosmetics? both mask inevitable truths. the celebrity leaders are just puppets on the soap box. those well publicized names and faces are nothing without those nameless, faceless billions supporting them. Hitler could not have pulled off his ethnic cleansing without them. what will be will be. 

the litigation anxiety from the maternal family remains an unpleasant reality, as well. the clear and familiar aunt who initiated the last round is not the only nut on that branch of the family tree. their family isnae quite as large as my birth family, but my daughter-in-law had 6 siblings with the corresponding number of aunts, uncles, neices and nephews. THEY arenae as numerous as the masked billions, but it is hard to know all of them by name and face. i cannae know THEM any better than the nameless, faceless billions who supported the global shutdown. again, i don't GET to know the future. THEY will do what THEY will do.

as those psycho snot knots coalesce far enough that i can mindfully set them aside, a new psycho snot knot seems to be emerging. this one is focused on the plethora of advice i receive which is based on the grandmother stereotypes. i miss being a sterotypical grandmother. i miss the son and daughter-in-law who made it possible for me to be that stereotypical grandmother. it doesn't take much to remind any of the five of us of just how much we lost in that tragic car wreck. the grand assumptions are a harsh reminder. do the children miss being stereotypical grandkids as much as i miss being a stereotypical grandmother? 

sorting. . .