Phasing out.....

I haven't written since 4/15.  He responded that day saying that he has thought about it....and he doesn't know how he will handle it.  He will be sad.
Well I'm sad.  I've been sad for over a decade.  I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.  
I finally saw him Wed.  It had been about a month.  And it was awkward at first.  I just sat on the bed with my clothes on as he undressed and talked about his show.  And when he got in bed I got in bed, fully clothed, and lay down.  He told me he was feeling all shy all of a sudden and I told him I did too.  And then he slowly seduced me- of course.
He wanted to see me again last night.....I told him that I want to wait like 3 weeks.  He said ok. I could tell he was upset.  I reminded him that I'm doing it for both of us.  He said he gets it.
This morning he emails me that this is hard for him, that he knows it's for the best, but it's hard and that he's addicted to me.  He said he almost stopped by last night but it would be awkward if I kicked him out.  I'm not sure what I would have done.
I wrote him back and told him that it's hard for me too, and to try to remember that it's been painful for me for years.  I asked him to please do this for me as I've never asked him for anything before.  And I reminded him that he said I deserve happiness.  He responded "I know."  
He's going to pout.  And he's already ruined my day- at least my morning.  I just can't keep waiting for the next email and that noise it makes on my phone.  It haunts me.
It's noon and I haven't showered.  I've been doing so well.....i cannot let him bring me down.  I'm off to work out, shower, and get on with my day.  Then my life.