Pep talk to myself

Before I completely drown myself in sorrow, I have once again kicked myself to get back on the right track. I have been staying busy and gotten a lot of things that needed to be done accomplished but, I have a long way to go. I have kept me confined to my house except for when I went to see Mr. Lindsay. He has passed and now, it's either sit here with no income, and find stuff to do, or go out into the World and find a job, meet new friends, etc. This is not living! It is merely existing. It's not a happy place with minimum human contact. I have been avoiding everything that may cause me pain. Therefore, I think it's safe to assume that I have in fact not moved on at all. I sometimes feel as if I have died because, I have done little to nothing since my Dad passed. I have lost weight, cleaned my house thouroughly, even went out "socializing" a couple of times, and then right back in my shell. Every time I do wander out, I don't  have fun. There are people all around me but, I still feel alone. No one can force me to enjoy things but I am causing myself unnecessary torment. I will "continue to stay on my case". Someone asked me to lunch the other day and I think I will consider it. I'm going to pick up my car from the shop shortly and I think I will go "window shopping". Maybe I'll find someone to talk to...I don't know but it's obvious that no one is going to beat down my door and pull me out so, it's once again up to me. Make the most of what I do have or make it worse. Get going, girl!