Pep talk to myself
Before I completely drown myself in sorrow, I have once again kicked myself to get back on the right track. I have been staying busy and gotten a lot of things that needed to be done accomplished but, I have a long way to go. I have kept me confined to my house except for when I went to see Mr. Lindsay. He has passed and now, it's either sit here with no income, and find stuff to do, or go out into the World and find a job, meet new friends, etc. This is not living! It is merely existing. It's not a happy place with minimum human contact. I have been avoiding everything that may cause me pain. Therefore, I think it's safe to assume that I have in fact not moved on at all. I sometimes feel as if I have died because, I have done little to nothing since my Dad passed. I have lost weight, cleaned my house thouroughly, even went out "socializing" a couple of times, and then right back in my shell. Every time I do wander out, I don't have fun. There are people all around me but, I still feel alone. No one can force me to enjoy things but I am causing myself unnecessary torment. I will "continue to stay on my case". Someone asked me to lunch the other day and I think I will consider it. I'm going to pick up my car from the shop shortly and I think I will go "window shopping". Maybe I'll find someone to talk to...I don't know but it's obvious that no one is going to beat down my door and pull me out so, it's once again up to me. Make the most of what I do have or make it worse. Get going, girl!
Replies
thank you for posting this entry..i can relate to and am living a similar lifestyle also..more like existing than living..i do some volunteer work twice a week and the occasional get together with old workmates and friends..i also have to kick myself to get out,breathe fresh air and exercise.. my wife died right when i was laid off from work..her recovery from the auto immune disease was going to take from 2-3 yrs and my plan was to be there and take care of her as long as it took.. now that my sleeping and energy level is semi -normal i realize that i have to get back to work.,though i am not working towards \' our\' retirement together this journey (as hard as it for us) is going to continue and to try and make the best of it..as i type this i know walking the walk in replace of talking the talk is a big step and i hope we both in our own timeframe make it to that step..your post has many other things in it that i could talk about but then i would be rambling bigtime.. thanx rj
I do a lot of rambling myself so we can ramble together, if you like! I may check into volunteering down the road but, I really need to get back to work for financial reasons as well as, I would have to get out of the house to go to work! I would go out with friends or former co-workers but as I have been saying since my Father died, I am more or less alone. Being alone does not bother me too much cause I do not need or want these type of \"people\" in my life. I would end up in the same boat the next time something tragic happened. God forbid if something bad happened to me now! See what I\'m talking about? I\'m rambling again! So feel free to ramble \"bigtime\", anytime.