People who try to help.
Okay I have been away for a few months thinking that I was okay and trying to move on by myself only to realize that I am not and It is the people here that can help me. I am so tired of people saying that they understand what I am going through... I am so sorry for your loss.... I can only imagine what you are going through..... The truth of the matter is before I lost my daughter I couldn't even imagine losing her or even understand what someone who lost a child was going through. It makes me so angry when people say these things to me to help me feel better and I just want to SCREAM NO YOU DONT!!!! How can you understand or imagine what I am going through. I am never going to hear my baby say I love you momma again. I will never see her get married or graduate from high school. She will never have children of her own. I not only lost my daughter but her dreams died with her. My heart breaks for her every minute of every day. I long to have her back with every breath I take. How do you move on when everything I do reminds me of her. She should be here. I should be getting her ready for her senior year of high school. I keep asking myself If I had done something different would she still be here? We try so hard to prepare our children to have a successful future. To accept that there is no future and only memories nothing can prepare us for that. To go from hearing Your daughter IS so beautiful to hearing Your daughter WAS so beautiful is painful. I know people are only trying to help but sometimes it only hurts more. My daughter is still beautiful. Yes she died but she will always be beautiful. Yes I had 17 wonderful years with her but is it so selfish of me to want more. We try so hard to protect our children yet when we fail how do we protect our hearts. I miss her laugh. I miss her spirit. I miss her hugs. I miss her heart. I miss her silliness, I miss her compassion, I miss answering her questions, and I really miss her. If I could tell her one last thing I would simply say Amanda Olive Ewe and you make my heart fill up with happy!!!
Replies
You do not need to do it by yourself. We are here...we understand. I know that it is frustrating what people say...they say those things because they really have no clue WHAT to say or how it feels. Try to detach from what they say...I know before I lost my Alex, I may have said similar things out of ignorance. And, we know we wish no other mother would ever have to feel this great sorrow that you and I feel. Your loss is so recent my friend, it will take a long time for things to feel better. Right now try to just take moments...enjoy anything you can...even if it is just for a few minutes. Distract yourself with healthy choices. There is so much going on through your family...so hold everyone closely...but it will take time. I wish I could tell you it will change quickly...but it is lengthy. I DO want you to know that you will have happiness again, you will smile and laugh and appreciate a sunny day...but it takes time. Journaling really helped me...if you went back and read my journals from my early months...they would be just like yours...in fact you could read any moms... Please always remember that we want to help you along the way...holding your hand...Karen
Thank you so much. I teared up reading your response because I know that here is a safe place where people really do know and understand what I am going through. and I know that it is through the tears that I may find healing. I hope that some day I will be able to help others with the same words of encouragement and really m. Amy
You have said all that each mother here has written herself...has felt...still feels and will always feel. I wish I could be the voice of positivity....but, today has been a bad day for me to be able to feel like I am the sound voice of support. I do feel your pain and that is what will make you return again and again to FMO...sadly we actually know what you are talking about. There are many cliches that will make you angry...so many people have good intentions and are ignorant about grief. I have a close friend who must think that I am \"over\" my pain....she ignorantly chit chats about death and things that sting my heart just to hear her say....I find that avoid her as much as I can. Some people will be unavoidable and for them....well, walk away. I have become bolder and intolerant of many things since my son left. I can\'t be hurt any worse than this so what have I to lose? I pray that you will be able to have peace in any part of the day or night. It is fleeting but more and more you will find it tolerable on same days. We never get used to our children being gone...or how they left. It is overwhelming to us when we think we should have been in control. We just don\'t have that power. Life and death is not ours to control. God be with you and your family. So much grief in one household is unbearable. So many shared your sweet daughter\'s life with you. Love, dale...brandon\'s mom
Everything you wrote,,we all wrote at one time,,,we cry with you....your daughter is beautiful, and 17 years is not enough. I now do things Morgan
would like, or we say this is for you Morgan...She is with us just as your daughter is with you. always here when you need a shoulder..or a ((hug))
You are facing the most tragic loss of a lifetime for a parent. What you are describing is what most of has felt as well. I have discovered that it is their discomfort and lack of knowing that creates words that are meant to be consoling yet so often may not feel that way at all. The silence of a hug speaks more to me now than words....
Your dreams for your daughter have been shattered and that is so very painful to absorb. I think I can only do it in layers and when it becomes too much I need to go back to \"automatic pilot\" so to speak until my work begins again. Everything you are feeling is as it needs to be and that is part of the grief. loss and healing path. It can feel like a full time job with overtime and no benefits most days.
I am here with you and I would not be where I am today without the safe haven of FMO where I can come to BE and feel understood and lovingly held and supported. I want you to feel that too and hope you do...
Looking forward to getting to know you and your beloved and beautiful daughter, Amanda.
XO Joanie
I hear you my friend....I feel it all. I too only had 17 years with my Kala on this earth. It wasn\'t enough!! I refuse to let anyone say \"was\"....if/when they do, I immediately correct them and say IS! She IS beautiful! And so IS your precious daughter!! Like you I wanted to scream at anyone who tried to convince me that knew what I was feeling. It\'s impossible!! I can\'t even know your pain truly because it is YOUR pain....your relationship with your daughter. Unique and special and one of a kind! Yes, I know how it feels to lose my Kala, to lose her future dreams and goals, to lose seeing her graduate from high school, have a career, a marriage, children....I know what my relationship is....but I can not know YOUR relationship.
I think we can find strength and hope in sharing our unique relationships with our children....in sharing our unique children....and in knowing YES, there truly are others who can understand what I\'m saying.
Tightest of hugs and lots of LOVE energy being sent to you my friend~~Teri
Sweet Amy I\'m sorry, we all have been where you are. In time the wound turns numb but never goes away. Sending you love, Terry