People are Stupid
Yes. Blanket statement. No, I don't really mean it. Just annoyed and PMS'ing.
But seriously. People are stupid.
The whole "Cheaters _ _ _ _" thread is the type of shit that makes me steer clear of the Infidelity support forums. Because what the heck? Really?
Yes. The situation sucks for everyone. I TRULY don't think that cheating spouses have this life of love and light and pure brilliant joy. Oh sure, there are moments of passion/excitement/tenderness/love/who knows what else - but there's also fear and paranoia and confusion and depression and frustration. They're balancing two (or sometimes more!) lives and constantly being torn between choices and more choices. There's the lies and the hiding and the covering and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there wasn't this bit of, "I wish I was good enough that my spouse would treat me as well as my lover," or conversely, "I wish I was good enough my lover could be my spouse."
Some people think the betrayed spouses have it good - the best of both worlds. Sadly, they've got half of two worlds... and in this case, two halves do NOT make a whole.
But ok, still... this is a CHOICE a cheating spouse has made. I firmly stand behind it. There may be reasons, butt tons of reasons, but it's still a choice. I'm not saying, "Well, it's FINE that you cheated, since your wife was such a bitch." No. BUT...
Look, we're human. We make choices. Some are AWESOME choices. Some are blind choices we hope turn out awesome. And some are choices made in the moment BECAUSE THEY FEEL GOOD. And sometimes you just spend so long hurting you just want that feeling good for awhile.
I really think that's where my husband was when he had his affair. I'm not saying *I* made him miserable, but our marriage/life seemed to be. He wasn't happy and maybe the OW didn't make him blissfully unaware of all the worlds woes, but it had to have felt good to be smothered in admiration and praise and be told how wonderful he was. It had to have felt good to just LET GO and give in to physical pleasure and just NOT THINK for a short time.
Do I approve of what he did? Never. Do I think it was excusable? No. He had choices. He had OTHER choices which would have ultimately been better for everyone. But... one can at least understand.
And what of those who cheat who aren't in pain or anguish? Whose spouses are really and truly wonderful people and whose marriages are actually pretty good? The same thing still applies. It felt good in the moment, and by very nature we are pleasure seekers. Sometimes, we are aware and present enough to think about what we're doing and realize long term consequences and the ripples our actions will make. Othertimes, we're like, "fuckit, I want a donut." And so we have a donut.
Or an affair.
And in either case, there are consequences.
I get so freaking sick of the high and mighty on the Infidelity forums that ASSURE us that THEY would never cheat. Bullshit. The opportunity just never came up. No one ran her fingernails down his back in a moment when he was weak. No one sent her a loving text with *just* the right phrase that lit up her smile like the sun while her husband was blatantly ignoring her pain. These people just don't want to admit we are all fragile. We are all vulnerable. And the more they insist, "I would never," the more at risk they are of having affairs themselves.
Pantpantpant. OK. Endrant. This is why I should avoid reading DS stuff right before my period. Sorry, y'all.
But seriously. People are stupid.
The whole "Cheaters _ _ _ _" thread is the type of shit that makes me steer clear of the Infidelity support forums. Because what the heck? Really?
Yes. The situation sucks for everyone. I TRULY don't think that cheating spouses have this life of love and light and pure brilliant joy. Oh sure, there are moments of passion/excitement/tenderness/love/who knows what else - but there's also fear and paranoia and confusion and depression and frustration. They're balancing two (or sometimes more!) lives and constantly being torn between choices and more choices. There's the lies and the hiding and the covering and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if there wasn't this bit of, "I wish I was good enough that my spouse would treat me as well as my lover," or conversely, "I wish I was good enough my lover could be my spouse."
Some people think the betrayed spouses have it good - the best of both worlds. Sadly, they've got half of two worlds... and in this case, two halves do NOT make a whole.
But ok, still... this is a CHOICE a cheating spouse has made. I firmly stand behind it. There may be reasons, butt tons of reasons, but it's still a choice. I'm not saying, "Well, it's FINE that you cheated, since your wife was such a bitch." No. BUT...
Look, we're human. We make choices. Some are AWESOME choices. Some are blind choices we hope turn out awesome. And some are choices made in the moment BECAUSE THEY FEEL GOOD. And sometimes you just spend so long hurting you just want that feeling good for awhile.
I really think that's where my husband was when he had his affair. I'm not saying *I* made him miserable, but our marriage/life seemed to be. He wasn't happy and maybe the OW didn't make him blissfully unaware of all the worlds woes, but it had to have felt good to be smothered in admiration and praise and be told how wonderful he was. It had to have felt good to just LET GO and give in to physical pleasure and just NOT THINK for a short time.
Do I approve of what he did? Never. Do I think it was excusable? No. He had choices. He had OTHER choices which would have ultimately been better for everyone. But... one can at least understand.
And what of those who cheat who aren't in pain or anguish? Whose spouses are really and truly wonderful people and whose marriages are actually pretty good? The same thing still applies. It felt good in the moment, and by very nature we are pleasure seekers. Sometimes, we are aware and present enough to think about what we're doing and realize long term consequences and the ripples our actions will make. Othertimes, we're like, "fuckit, I want a donut." And so we have a donut.
Or an affair.
And in either case, there are consequences.
I get so freaking sick of the high and mighty on the Infidelity forums that ASSURE us that THEY would never cheat. Bullshit. The opportunity just never came up. No one ran her fingernails down his back in a moment when he was weak. No one sent her a loving text with *just* the right phrase that lit up her smile like the sun while her husband was blatantly ignoring her pain. These people just don't want to admit we are all fragile. We are all vulnerable. And the more they insist, "I would never," the more at risk they are of having affairs themselves.
Pantpantpant. OK. Endrant. This is why I should avoid reading DS stuff right before my period. Sorry, y'all.
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