pauls death

I live 7 mile  from bus  line.  like every thing  else my car is gone, I have had a car to drive s ince I was 16. have no idea of how to live with out one.  today all I buy is food and utilities.  I have a lot of debt, started paying bills off each month at 500 each mo it felt good because I was taking charge of my life.  all this time my utilities bills are 100 and 100 for charter.  so this mo sce is over 200 , I guse because I am trying to get out of debt.  was told by person bruce is the one  who does not want me to have money .the question is why.  when worked for probation was told the only reason crime is commited is sex, money or power.  ok bruce has all the money he needs,  he has power and he c an have any women he wants.  so why is he messing with me.  I loved paul and his life was better with me in it and my life too.  bruce and I lost are spouses on same day which is weird to me.  marsha died of cancer and paul suffered a stroke.  bruce waited for connor and did what he had to and all the rest of the family movrd camp to hospital with paul and me.  bruce went upstairs with me from 2 nd emergency room.  the 1st emergency room said he had a st.roke and nothing could be done I beg the doctor and called bruce I could no make decision by self together. at that moment his wife was dying or just died.  flew paul to 2nd emergency room where bruce went with me to talk to doctor only 2 doctors can do this operation in calif  the doctor said a lot of persentages and they were not in pauls favor but there was a chance paul would live. after talking to doctor we were on elevator all of a sudded had to set down.  bruce oped elevator and a chair was setting their nothing else just a chair I set down a few minutes. then ready he asked if I am sure I say yes use to recovering quickly from being with first husband.  any way paul makes it thru operation Brenda and greg stay with me.  I was not left alone with paul everyone took a shift.  at first I thought paul would be ok after a few days just knew better finly doctor told me what would happen each word was like being hit hard in stomack.  doctor asked if he should call any one and I said bruce.  bruce and dewight come we go into room to decide what to do with paul.  the doctor repeats what was told to me in greater detail.  doctor asked f any questions.  a few are asked. bruce asked me what I wantd to do.   say I have no choice bruce says I do.  paul made it very plain to me he did not want to be a vegitable.  we decide to take paul off life support. say we have to give everyone time to get off work to say good by to paul.  bruce reply not nessary everyone works for me.  every one came and gave paul permission to die and after aweek or so he did.  they made a bed for me and I stayed with him.  when he died bruce was there and took care of everything.  his sec wooked for funeral home at one time.