For the past 2 weeks I have tried not to engage in any conversations with AH, I told him last weekend in his sober moment that forgetting and pretending all is ok is getting harder. I know nothing happened between him and his ex wife (since I can see all his messages and he still isn't aware I can see them) i'm still angry, he drove 2 hours to see her for some reason! And the fact that he told me to go F my brother still hurts. His excuse to that was "he see's how my brother acts around women". Hello - he's my brother. Not anything sexual and for him to even think this is completely ridiculous!  I told him as long as he continues to drink we would only be like roomates I don't want him touching me or even worrying about when and where I am or what i'm doing. He does what he wants!

He has been quit, still drinking his normal, I have not pampered him as usual. Been working on myself not feeling quilty. Last night he had the nerve to say I live in the PAST! Because I didn't want him touching me. Really? I started to think of the PAST, how many things he has done or said to hurt me that I forgave and moved on. Now i'm the bad guy because it's getting to the point that I can't forget and move on anymore. I have told him for a few years now that I was getting to this point! 

I read the post here and I see just how alcoholics are so alike, thought to myself last night things have changed he used to be that AH that would get physical never hit me but yes it was just as bad. Pushing me down, pulling me out of bed by my hair because he thought I was cheating or holding me down with force that ended up hurting. Verbally bashing me and yelling. Throwing his dinner across the room because he was pissed, smashing his fist throught my truck window going down the road, throwing my clothes out his truck window when driving down the road, threating to take his life, taking my kids while drunk and driving off crazy, locking me out of my house.  These are things that I have forgiven and forgotten. Until last night I have kept all of these bad memories hidden away. For 30 years I have forgotten and moved on with him till the next drunken episode! Would he have done the same? I don't hink so! I try to detach myself and he runs to his ex wife. Don't know how much longer I can continue this journey.