Parents AGAIN!!!
Oddly enough another thought on my parents...... of course they have relaspsed AGAIN!!!!! what a big fucking shockkk!!! i'm so over it... i'm so over the hurt and consistant pain they give me!! we have been through so muchhhhhhhh with this..... loosing family members over it, loosing houses, friendships, getting locked up in jail!!!! the next step is killing someone from driving or killing themselves!!! rock bottom has been hit, from being homeless and no one to go to!!! everyone is 100% fed up with it...... no one will take them in if they decide to hit below rock bottom again....... they are 50 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! put the god damn crack pipe down!!!!! i don't understand it and i NEVER will!!! why would i want to hurt everyone i love... break their trust??? waste 100's of dollars a night on it when neither parent works as it is!?!?!?!?!?!!?! when my dad has already had 2 heart attacks that he thankfully survived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my mind is so sick!!! i don't know what to do anymore! they would never understand because their parents have always been there for them, and they have hurt them more times then i can count.......... its sick and REALLYYYYY sad because both of my parents are truely the 2 most fun amazing people in the world!!! i wouldn't choose to have any different parents at all........ their problem is much bigger then i think i understand....... I'm waiting by the phone for that phone call that one or both of them are dead!!! that will be so devastating!! the part that sucks about all this is they are binge users not consistent....... i think a binge user is worse because the time that they are sober alows you time to see the real people that they are, and the hearts that they have...... this allows yourself to become very close to the person......... then all the sudden one day, you don't hear from them, and you know something is up...... then you find out they are sitting in their room smoking crack, getting completely fucked up , then DRIVING to get more!?!??!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!TO me there is NOOOOO excuse for addiction!!! NO excuse for relaspse!!!! how can you do this to yourself and the people you love?????????? why would you want to put your relationships at risk for a 10 minute high?????At this point in my life, i really think the best thing for me to do is to let go.......... let go of my mom,,,,,,,,,,, let go of my dad.......... not be close to them anymore, ever again........ that way when something bad does happen i will not be completely devastated!!!! i have been told to always be prepared for the worst............ how is it possible to be prepared for your own parents death when it could have been prevented by them!!!!!!!!! i go in circles with this it doesn't make sense none of it will ever make fucking sense ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I pray that no one has to go through all this shit i have been through!!! it is the worst feeling in the world...... i have to understand that i can not control people, and whatever happens, happens...
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