Paranoia

Well, you all know how excited I was that my DH said we could TTC.  Then I was reading some entries on here about MTHFR and started freaking out.  I have really high homocysteine and already test for other clotting disorders...but they didn't specifically test for MTHFR mutations.  I am so stinking scared about losing another baby that I am completely panicked.  If I happen to have that mutation, which many women do, coupled with my high homocysteine, it means I have to do OTHER things to prevent miscarriage and Downs syndrome and other birth defects. 
So, as I approach my ovulation this Sunday, I have NO TIME to get that test done!!  I went from happy to crushed because I can't take that chance.  I can't stop crying now.  No more TTC for now.  I need to know.  I cannot live through another loss.  I have to do everything I can. 
Feeling so alone right now.  My DH is back to feeling used, because I am so sad...he thinks I must only want him for making babies, which is NOT TRUE.  It added passion to our life that we were united in the cause...even though we were not in a fertile time.  I guess that is not registering.  Oh well.
I guess I'm back to a bucket of tears for another month.  I hate this.