Panic Attack
One of the caseworkers busted me smoking in the house yesterday. No children in the room, but. . . Is there a greater cultural prohibition here in the 21st century? I haven't bothered to check the stats since my mother made me memorize the 1964 surgeon general's report, but I'm pretty sure Koop's antecendants have developed stats to *prove* that smelling smoke on a passer-by's clothing causes asthma since ol' General Koop started the prohibition drive in 1964. Statistically speaking, non-smokers are very delicate creatures.
The surprise of getting busted and her harsh reaction triggered my rebellious side. I slid once more into the ancient arguments with my long-gone mother and grandmother. Both were women ahead of their times and radical enough to force Junior High students to memorize surgeon general reports. Both women were major producers of devout smokers. It's not a habit. . . It's a political affiliation. I ain't interested in attending your Quitter Academy. There isnae a quitter bone in my body.
After the interview was done, I found myself lost in longing for my lost rivers and my lost opportunity to form valid research on them and intensely fearful of being trapped once more into the Toxic Mom routine while Hubby gets to go off and have a life of his own. Do I really want to dedicate my last years to a role I wasnae particularly good at in the first go-round? Who am I to judge the morbidly obese welfare lifestyle the other grandparents have to offer in their barrio? They are right proper anti-smokers. I have zero doubt they are working the horrors of my smoking into every dialog with the authorities, right alongside my open disclosure of my mental health herstory. They are all too perfect to have ever seen shrinks.
The caseworkers are concerned about the other grandparents using the upcoming visitation as an opportunity for ? ? ? Lord knows what. Housing project lawyers are notoriously creative lot. I remain opposed to contracting our own lawyer to meet them on their own turf. I still believe that W.A.R. is an acronym for "We Are Right" and the thought of trapping children on the battlefield still hits my senses as the worst thing we can do to a child. I donae care to be a warrior on either one of those battle lines. So far as I can tell, the winners are always the losers in the end.
The panic attack responded well to therapy tools, but the doubts remain. I'd rather spend my last years waiting for age-related tests than playing lawyer games. Hey, I smoke. Get your delicate ass back to Non Land, would ya?
Replies
I am kind of worried too. Those in the "barrio" don't have a strong belief in therapy, culturally. Mistrust or disbelief what ever the reason the numbers show they are the least of seekers. Numbers available on request. I also question the stability base you are working on with the children being up ended. Their little feet roots are barely taking root and for their age a couple days are forever, easily tearing those tender roots. A shorter visit on your familiar ground would be best for them. "Feliz Navidad nuestros abuelos we have to go to our beds so Santa finds us."
The great thing about lawyers is they keep the war out of earshot. Let them take care of the legal knots and make sure there are healthy boundaries before releasing the children for extended stays, especially at that distance.
Hugs
J.
Recurring pneumonia made me have to quit smoking for strictly medical reasons before the cultural shift against it, arfie, so I don't really have a 21st century sense of things sufficient to answer your question about it. It's a reflection of my age that I do find it remarkable that those at my neighborhood bar who want to have a smoke have to go outside for one. They go outside in groups and hang out. Personally, I miss smoking, so I'm not negatively sensitive to second hand smoke, it has the scent of nostalgia to me. I hope that the caseworker's discovery doesn't turn into some kind of evidence against you with the kids.
I had to quit as well do to my lungs misbehaving but I still love the smell of a fresh cigg if I walk by a smoker..... I hope that the other grandparents will just be on board for getting along for everyone's sake Arf
Love the acronym for war so very true.... You and yours remain in my prayers.... Big hugs.....xo
My mother and grandmother really were radical to speak out against smoking in the 40's, 50's and 60's. Smoking was high fashion in those decades. By the 70's the fashion pendulum was swinging the other direction and by the 80's both women got to spend some years as high fashion superheroes. Yes, they were both alive to enjoy their 15 minutes of fame. I'm happy for both of them, from a safe distance, of course. They may not have been Smokers, but they sure could breathe fire. Plan on it. Asbestos suits advised.
But I remain a member of The Smoker Party, whether I am currently smoking, or knot. Nothing makes me crave a cig like a red circle with a red line across a cig pict. For a long time, I carried a sharpie for the purpose of putting "w's" behind the NO of No Smoking. Might start doing so again.
But. . . I still haven't ruled out the possibility that Smoking is evil enough to warrant outlawing campfires and barbecue pits. The judge might be right in declaring the children are better off in the foster care system. Lots of non-smokers there. The caseworkers believe that is the closest the other grandparents will come to *winning* their case. Odds are, the three siblings will lose each other in that smoke free system, as well.
I don't like being told what to do either and the louder someone tells me the more I hate it.... I wish things could be easier on you Arf…. You've had enough pain to deal with without a lot of added shit.... xo
I guess I can only echo it's not fun when someone calls you out for a long ingrained habit. Although I don't smoke (my lungs can't take it I have Asthma.) I do regularly struggle with losing weight I'd be better if I lost 20 lbs. I get called out on it a lot even though I don't have high BP or cholesterol. And I resent it! Know the ground Arfie I hate having to behave like and adult!
Have dealt with so many doctors saying stop smoking, as well as rude people. Cognitive dissonance: I have lung problems and should stop; I smoke anyway. Our choices are ours. Glad you are staying out of the legal mess. Prayers and support continue.
Yea, the last propaganda ad I saw made it look like they treat smokers by leaving them wearing only a diaper in a cold, sterile room. It's been years since I have had to put up with any advertisements, whatsoever --I love streaming-- but. . .
I don't go to doctors any more. I can easily believe they would be that mean. Their followers certainly are.
Now to get those whiny, verbose creeps to quit following me around. I have a right to privacy, my delicate booby. May you find the controlled environment which will strengthen you. Let me know where so I can avoid your soap box.