painful realizations

This week has been a rough week. I've been forced to the realization that I have a chronic, life long disease that will not be cured, only managed. My doc upped my keppra to 1000 mg twice a day and said it's only a bandaid. I don't know why I'm sick, I don't know what causes it, and other is no cure. There are only pallitative care and assistive devices as necessary. That's a hard realization. I know God can heal me. He's brought me back from the dead three times so I know nothing is impossible with Him. I can't get angry with Him or question why me, because I know the answer is why not me. I'm at peace with whatever God decides to do because I trust Him. I'm having more of a problem with accepting that I have limitations. I can't pull fifty hour weeks on my feet like I could. I don't like it. I don't like not being able to do things and having to rely on others. And I think that's part of my problem. I'm so used to serving others that it's hard when I'm the one in need. No man is an island, and the Word says that I must decrease so that He may increase. Maybe this is my time in life to decrease so that He can increase, and so His grace and power can be made manifest. Sometimes that's the most powerful testimony.Someone asked me how I could keep going. Beffore I thought I answered with I have a life and I plan on living it. I don't have time to let something like this get in the way. And maybe that's another part of the problem. I'm letting my life get in God's way.