Painful Reality

The last few days have been very difficult for the kids and myself.  My son has been going in my closet hugging his dad's clothes trying to find his smell.  He told me althought the clothes have been washed I can still smell my dad.  My daughter has started to grief.  I think she was trying to be strong for me and her faith was helping her a lot.  She move back to her house and now it is starting to affect her.  She spoke to me and told me that she is having a hard time handling it.  I stopped by to see her yesterday and she was telling me that she misses him so much and is now start to realize that he is truly gone.  She said she had so much faith when he was sick that it never crossed her mind that he was going to die and when he did she leaned on her faith.  However, now it has hit her that she will no longer see him or hug him.  She still has strong faith but it hurts her so much to understand that her dad is gone.  My son is hurting and I don't know how to reach him since I can barely say three words without crying.  I have a hard time falling asleep and this pain is only getting bigger and bigger.  My sister that is staying with me will be leaving on August 21 and I am already missing her because she has been there for me during this difficult time.  I will be home only with my son who also has his own life and will be doing his own stuff.  I will be home most of time alone without my husband.  Oh God I love and miss him so much that I cannot continue this life.  Please God give me the strenght to continue and be able to live without him.  I am having a hard time moving along.  I cry everyday and I think that people are getting tired of me doing it.  Some of my friends no longer call me to see how I am doing because I think they don't want to hear me talk and cry.  I am so confused and hurt that I don't know how to continue or what to do with my life.  I just want to be beside him and hug him and never let go.  These last few dys have been so difficult because I miss him and there are so many things that I want to tell him and ask his help.  I am starting to feel his absence more and more.  How can someone continue living with so much pain?  How can someone pretend that everything is okey when deep inside we are crying for help?  How can someone smile when all the want to do is scream.  How can someone not feel pain when you see family members or friends continue their life like if nothing happen?  They laugh and rarely talk about him.  It is like he never existed or the love the said the had for him suddenly died also.  How can they pretend they care for him and continue like if nothing happen?  I am tired and I don't know how to continue living.  I miss him so much and I feel like I can just ramble all day long about this pain and no one cares.  Everyone continues their life while mines has stopped.  I love him and miss him that words cannot say how much.  It is just a horrible time for me.

Replies

KipB
KipB

Linda I can only say that you need to be very strong. You also need to imagine what your loved one would want. Would he be happy that you\'re not sure you can continue on and be the best mom you can to your children.
I want to tell you that sometimes it really helps me to smile widely when I think of her instead of sobbing. I try to celebrate in my mind all the good that we shared and even though it has ended physically, I can re-live so many wonderful times with my beautiful Marti. I know she would be angry with me for blubbering and sobbing all the time, But at the same time she will forgive me for having my moments of pure grief.
I hope you find your way out of the darkness and show your children, family and friends that it\'s alright to grieve and it\'s really ok to smile too!!!
Be strong and go on the way he would want you to. Kip
Glenda
Glenda

You are going through normal things and feelings...Most of us have done the same thing...I will just share with you what I did...I went to the doctor(regular family doctor) and told him I am crying all the time and not getting much sleep..This is causing my emune systen to go down and he didn\'t like that part.He gave me a small dose of Zolof for the crying and a small dose of sleeping pills for nights...I can\'t tell you how much that helped me..It didn\'t make my pain and sorrow go away, but it did help me function.,,This I will tell your son..It is ok to grieve and miss your dad..enstead of thinking of your loss..think of his (((gain)))...He is so happy and will see you again someday..Until you see him again..make him proud..for he is watching you from heaven...I hope that might help..How old is your son? Love and big hug...and a shoulder to cry on...Glenda
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know how tough it is. My husband\'s closet and his clothes have given me some comfort, so I can relate to that as well. I wish I could say something that I know would help you feel better, but I know from experience that there are no words. All I can say is that I understand, and wish you the strength and peace of mind you need to get through this.
deleted_user
deleted_user

im so sorry that your friends arnt cailling you so much, its now and the following months that you will need them the most, there is no time limit on grief, and you do miss your loved ones more as time goes by, its normal, some people think a couple of weeks after the funeral you should be starting to heal thats rubbish thats when the real pain begins, talk about your husband all you want to, i believe that will help you heal, one day you will find you can talk about him, recall things about him, and it wont be so painful, i feel so sorry for you all, you are all feeling the same , and its hard to find the strength to comfort each other. i wish you peace. Milliex