Painful Reality

The last few days have been very difficult for the kids and myself.  My son has been going in my closet hugging his dad's clothes trying to find his smell.  He told me althought the clothes have been washed I can still smell my dad.  My daughter has started to grief.  I think she was trying to be strong for me and her faith was helping her a lot.  She move back to her house and now it is starting to affect her.  She spoke to me and told me that she is having a hard time handling it.  I stopped by to see her yesterday and she was telling me that she misses him so much and is now start to realize that he is truly gone.  She said she had so much faith when he was sick that it never crossed her mind that he was going to die and when he did she leaned on her faith.  However, now it has hit her that she will no longer see him or hug him.  She still has strong faith but it hurts her so much to understand that her dad is gone.  My son is hurting and I don't know how to reach him since I can barely say three words without crying.  I have a hard time falling asleep and this pain is only getting bigger and bigger.  My sister that is staying with me will be leaving on August 21 and I am already missing her because she has been there for me during this difficult time.  I will be home only with my son who also has his own life and will be doing his own stuff.  I will be home most of time alone without my husband.  Oh God I love and miss him so much that I cannot continue this life.  Please God give me the strenght to continue and be able to live without him.  I am having a hard time moving along.  I cry everyday and I think that people are getting tired of me doing it.  Some of my friends no longer call me to see how I am doing because I think they don't want to hear me talk and cry.  I am so confused and hurt that I don't know how to continue or what to do with my life.  I just want to be beside him and hug him and never let go.  These last few dys have been so difficult because I miss him and there are so many things that I want to tell him and ask his help.  I am starting to feel his absence more and more.  How can someone continue living with so much pain?  How can someone pretend that everything is okey when deep inside we are crying for help?  How can someone smile when all the want to do is scream.  How can someone not feel pain when you see family members or friends continue their life like if nothing happen?  They laugh and rarely talk about him.  It is like he never existed or the love the said the had for him suddenly died also.  How can they pretend they care for him and continue like if nothing happen?  I am tired and I don't know how to continue living.  I miss him so much and I feel like I can just ramble all day long about this pain and no one cares.  Everyone continues their life while mines has stopped.  I love him and miss him that words cannot say how much.  It is just a horrible time for me.