Pain pain pain

I am so sad!  The pain cuts like a knife.  I cry every day.  I still can't believe this is happening.  I feel so disillusioned.  It seems there is no one my husband wouldn't hurt and nothing he wouldn't risk.  I stumbled onto Facebook messages between him and one of our female friends.  They both say it was only talk and that nothing physical happened, but no one besides them will ever know the truth because the only two people that know are deceitful.  Anyway, her husband found hundreds of text messages between them a couple of months ago.  He put spyware on her phone and computer.  At that point, she told my husband they might need to get a separate Instant Messaging account to communicate with.  So at that point, he has hurt her husband and harmed her marriage.  She has two little girls and I don't understand how he could continue knowing the pain he was causing.  She made a few fake Facebook accounts and a Skype account which her husband found due to the spyware.  She is my husband’s subordinate at work.  He was messaging her constantly  ....asking for hugs, commenting on her beautiful face.  He had been giving her my prescription pain pills...so at this point he is risking his job and his ability to put food on the table for our daughter.  Wow, what kind of a person does that?  Fast forward to December, I find her third fake Facebook account and the messages between my husband and her.  So, he is shocked that I am leaving him.  He had no clue it could escalate into this.  My daughter is not handling it well at all; I think she will probably need counselling.  She doesn't share her feelings about this with her dad.  I am not sure why she has meltdowns with me and won't tell her dad anything about how she feels.  She says she wants me to kick him out so we can just get this over with because she can't take it anymore.  While sobbing uncontrollably, she tells me she needs alone time.  She tells me it hurts to bad to talk.  She says it is destroying her that the two people who gave birth to her aren't together anymore and don't love each other.  I tried to reassure her, but nothing seemed to ease the pain.  When she gets like this, she usually cries for an hour or so.  It breaks my heart.  Anyway, what type of a person continues to message a woman who has to set up an alias in attempt to hide the truth from her husband?  It was obvious at this point that she was morally bankrupt...not exactly the type of person I want to be communicating with.  So, he hurt his daughter, he destroyed our marriage, he hurt her husband, he jeopardized her precious little girls' home life, he jeopardized his job and even risked criminal prosecution for illegally giving her my painkillers...taking them to work no less....grounds for immediate termination.  He thinks I am over reacting and he is shocked that it is over.  In the two months leading up to my discovery of their messages, he was in a real funk...laying in bed in total darkness for hours and texting me that he missed me when I was no further away than in our living room.  He kept sending me messages that he was lonely.  He was getting upset over ridiculous issues and took every little thing to be a sign that I didn't love him.  In ten years of marriage, I never saw him act like that.  I guess it must have been the guilt...if he even has a conscious!  So one night in November I talked to him about the strange way he had been acting.  He rattled of several issues he was upset about.  For instance, I am petrified of dogs.  Our daughter has always wanted a pet and when we were at a party at a farmhouse, there was a litter of kittens that she just loved.  For some reason he told her she could have one of them, which was fine by me, my only phobia is dogs.  So while were having our discussion, one of the things he was mad about was that our daughter got a cat!!!!  I asked him why he let her get it if he didn't want to, and then he said because he wanted her to have a pet and I wouldn't let her get a dog.  He was blaming me for his decision to let her get the cat.  He had several other issues just as bizarre that he was upset with me about.  None the less, I tried to do what I could to be considerate of his feelings and accommodate what needs I could.  During the conversation, I asked him if he wanted a divorce.  In all of the years of marriage whenever we had an issue, he would always tell me that when he married me, he married me forever and that would never change.  So, much to my surprise, he said he needed a little time to decide what he wanted.  Complete SHOCK!!!  When I mentioned how devastated our daughter would be if we got divorced, he said, "Oh she will adjust and be just fine."  It made me sick to my stomach that someone could so nonchalantly break my daughter’s heart.  So back to the needing a little time to decide what he wanted.  A few days later, he told me he loved me, he would always love me, and that he never wants a divorce.  You get the point.  I suspect he needed a few days to find out if she would leave her husband for him, and she shot him down.  In some of the first discovered messages between them, it seemed to be mutual.  In the more recent messages leading up to my discovery, it seemed more one-sided.  He would tell her he might need a hug, and she would tell him he was too far away for that.  He sent her a bunch of messages and she would respond by saying she felt EXACTLY the same way as he did, except her situation was different because her husband wasn't all bad.  Apparently he had portrayed me as all bad.  Aside from the bizarre behavior in November, I had no idea there were problems in our marriage.  Her husband told me he also saw messages between them saying they both wanted to work on their marriages.  Holy cow!  Again, I didn't realize there was anything that needed worked on.  I am pretty sure that he was banking on her leaving her husband and since that didn't happen; he is now telling me how sorry he is and how much he loves me and wants to be with me...yada yada yada.  I cry every day and I am so sick of hurting.  We have to get some financial things in order before we can afford to live in separate places.  We are trying the roommate thing, which I know has almost no chance of working out.  He says he will be my roommate if that is all I want from him and that hopefully someday he can win me back.  I am guessing he will have a new chick any day now if he doesn't already, probably a coworker again, so I am pushing to get the finances squared away so I can provide for my kids when he leaves.  I don't think he is capable of being alone.  We broke up once before we were married, and he got a new girlfriend right away...one of our coworkers.  Not only did I have to see them together at work, we were all on a softball team and I had to see them there too!  Before I knew about the new girlfriend, he had come over to visit me.  I missed him and was really hurting and he said he felt the same.  We were intimate and I wanted him to stay over for a while, but he said he had to go.  Later I found out that he went out with his new girlfriend after leaving my house, and that was the reason he couldn't stay.  He literally got straight out of bed and left right after he climaxed.  So further down the road, he broke up with her and really turned on the charm trying to get me back.  Well even while he was in hot pursuit of me he was still sleeping with her.  He won me back, we got married, had a daughter and ten years later, here I am.  Now that I am actually writing this, I am realizing just how messed up it is and how many warning signs I ignored.  For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling so shocked that he was capable of doing this to our family, but looking back, I am seeing how obvious it should have been.  I am sure there are a lot of things that I will never know about him, which is probably for the best.  I do understand that this past year was tough on him because I was sick and couldn't give him what he needed, but that does not excuse the path he chose.  I am looking forward to the day when I am happy again and can shed my last tear over him, but for now I am a broken woman.