Pain is exhausting.
I feel as though it draws the life out of me. I feel like I'm doggie paddling some days so I don't drown in it. Plus for some reason I've been forgetting to take my afternoon meds a lot of days....until the pain is so bad it's hard to breathe!
I'm supposed to visit my older son, his wife and their 2 children in Florida next month. Casey (my son) was relocated down there 2 yrs. ago and this will be my first visit to see them. They come up to visit a few times a year, but he's been asking me to come down since the move. While I'm really looking forward to it (Casey and I were always tight and are very much alike) I'm getting a little worried because we haven't spent much time together in the last 2 years, and I don't think he realizes how badly the pain effects me now. My other 2 children live close by and have a better grasp of it. Especially my daughter Shannon who I talk with daily and see at least once or twice a week. Casey is a vice pres. for a financial company and works about 80hrs. a week, traveling about 50% of the time all over the US. He has managed to take the week off that we'll be there which is a big deal. Now I'm afraid if I can't do everything he's got planned he'll be disappointed. I was a single mom from the time my children were preschoolers, and I overheard them more than once telling their friends "my mom can do ANYTHING!". That's how they saw me while they were young and I felt good about that. Things got pretty desperate sometimes and I never wanted them to worry so I put on a brave front and always told them things would be fine...and I made sure they were! I worked 2 jobs most of the time and did some free-lance art work at home when I could. I fixed whatever broke in the house, did all the yard work, and helped out at school events. I didn't sleep much back then! LOL! I was someone far removed from who I am today, and I guess I'm just worried about how Casey will react to the "new" me. My body and the pain has gotten a lot worse since we spent any real time together. I think I may feel better if I send him an email before going down to explain to him what my situation is now. I mean, we talk on the phone a few times each month but we usually talk about the kids and what's going on in his life.
Then again...maybe I'm just embarrassed to have him see me this way.
I'm supposed to visit my older son, his wife and their 2 children in Florida next month. Casey (my son) was relocated down there 2 yrs. ago and this will be my first visit to see them. They come up to visit a few times a year, but he's been asking me to come down since the move. While I'm really looking forward to it (Casey and I were always tight and are very much alike) I'm getting a little worried because we haven't spent much time together in the last 2 years, and I don't think he realizes how badly the pain effects me now. My other 2 children live close by and have a better grasp of it. Especially my daughter Shannon who I talk with daily and see at least once or twice a week. Casey is a vice pres. for a financial company and works about 80hrs. a week, traveling about 50% of the time all over the US. He has managed to take the week off that we'll be there which is a big deal. Now I'm afraid if I can't do everything he's got planned he'll be disappointed. I was a single mom from the time my children were preschoolers, and I overheard them more than once telling their friends "my mom can do ANYTHING!". That's how they saw me while they were young and I felt good about that. Things got pretty desperate sometimes and I never wanted them to worry so I put on a brave front and always told them things would be fine...and I made sure they were! I worked 2 jobs most of the time and did some free-lance art work at home when I could. I fixed whatever broke in the house, did all the yard work, and helped out at school events. I didn't sleep much back then! LOL! I was someone far removed from who I am today, and I guess I'm just worried about how Casey will react to the "new" me. My body and the pain has gotten a lot worse since we spent any real time together. I think I may feel better if I send him an email before going down to explain to him what my situation is now. I mean, we talk on the phone a few times each month but we usually talk about the kids and what's going on in his life.
Then again...maybe I'm just embarrassed to have him see me this way.
Replies