pain + husband= depression

I am in pain right now . My hands hurt like I never knew they could, knees, ankles, hips...exc. exc. All the things i need to be doing are not getting done. laundry, dishes, any sort of cleaning...... I am realizing how Iv pushed all my friends that care away, by not answering phone calls, avoiding, not being involved in anything. I have bowed out of this world. I am so lonely.... I have a good husband most of the time hes like talking to a wall that doesn't understand the same language. lol. seriously..and if or when I try to have a serious conversation I can see him turn off. And i resort to stupid talk grasping at things to get his attention, only to end up with him rolling the eyes with your really stupid looks, hell he might even come out and say your acting stupid! he used to tell me I cant read your mind! So now I tell him straight up. I know iv gained weight with our 20 years together, iv had four of his kids, but somewhere and i do not blame him Hes stopped loving me. He wont admit it, He"ll denies it. He believes in staying together to death, he is persistent in this whether he loves me or hates me it does not matter. For Gods sake I am his disabled Wife!  He is a very handsome man we are only in our 40s . I am not two hundred pounds, I am smart, I am pretty, not as beautiful as I used to be but I still see me in here.  I have alot of love to give to someone He is done . Cold. I am still alive. I want to live  but this feels so broken. I cannot get a job, Iv worked all of my life but i don't have enough points to get disability.  I am slowly dieing inside, sometimes wishing for death to come soon.  I need change. I do not know what else to do. I am lost and only have  a hopeless future!  every month is the same story. Year after year after year.