Pain and/or Depression
I've been thinking today about how I crave pain relievers. I want the Rx kind because it has that component of escaping pain more thoroughly than a handful of Advil. The depression pain is still there, but the physical pain does not feel so unbearable. I'm out of the Rx meds right now though so I will have to wait until I'm able to get what I've got refilled. I may just have to figure out how to ask for more or stronger from the doctor.
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/9-physical-symptoms-of-depression.html?page=1
This was an article that described nearly every one of my pain symptoms and the connection to depression.
I thought I was feeling semi-stable today. Very low but not dipping further, perhaps just on that smoothing out where I'm at course. But of course that could not just happen and my husband had to treat me like shit and say something on the phone questioning me about my daughter staying the night at her friend's house. Then my daughter saying how she is glad she didn't have to drive my car because it needs a tune up and Dad doesn't take care of it, blah blah blah... I was instantly pissed off and it turned into anger at myself for not having the ability, the strength to take care of what needs to be taken care of. I don't have the energy. I am always in pain. My emotional pain had begun crippling me physically. How can I ever get out of this hole? How can I be strong when I am so weak physically and mentally? Word aphasia drives me crazy from my meds. Now I'm struggling for normal everyday words.
I have faith that I can be healed. I did therapy as a teenager. I went to support groups. I knew I had an addictive personality, but I did not really understand what that meant. I understand a lot better now. But I can't see how any talk therapy can help me and I'm ready for feeling something real.
I have become so adept at smoothing things over, sparing my thoughts and feelings about things, faking it, that I either feel in complete misery and my emotional pain has turned physical, or I am angry and frustrated with my perceived helplessness in my situation, or I feel nothing and have no opinion.
I am not lonely. I am hurting inside and out. It's not the lonely hurting that I felt as a teenager.
I have to do something, but I don't know what.
dea
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/9-physical-symptoms-of-depression.html?page=1
This was an article that described nearly every one of my pain symptoms and the connection to depression.
I thought I was feeling semi-stable today. Very low but not dipping further, perhaps just on that smoothing out where I'm at course. But of course that could not just happen and my husband had to treat me like shit and say something on the phone questioning me about my daughter staying the night at her friend's house. Then my daughter saying how she is glad she didn't have to drive my car because it needs a tune up and Dad doesn't take care of it, blah blah blah... I was instantly pissed off and it turned into anger at myself for not having the ability, the strength to take care of what needs to be taken care of. I don't have the energy. I am always in pain. My emotional pain had begun crippling me physically. How can I ever get out of this hole? How can I be strong when I am so weak physically and mentally? Word aphasia drives me crazy from my meds. Now I'm struggling for normal everyday words.
I have faith that I can be healed. I did therapy as a teenager. I went to support groups. I knew I had an addictive personality, but I did not really understand what that meant. I understand a lot better now. But I can't see how any talk therapy can help me and I'm ready for feeling something real.
I have become so adept at smoothing things over, sparing my thoughts and feelings about things, faking it, that I either feel in complete misery and my emotional pain has turned physical, or I am angry and frustrated with my perceived helplessness in my situation, or I feel nothing and have no opinion.
I am not lonely. I am hurting inside and out. It's not the lonely hurting that I felt as a teenager.
I have to do something, but I don't know what.
dea
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