Pain
I tumbled back down the hill after making so much progress. Perhaps I took my eyes off where I was walking to imagine the view at the top would bring me peace. It maybe why I stumbled back down the hill I had tried to climb.
There were times I stopped to sit a bit and cry or think about yesterday. I often thought of giving up and letting myself fall....sacrificial to the suffering and let it envelope me.....
yet I can hear the voices of loved ones calling me to keep going. It is why I drag myself up to keep pushing forward till I don't have to climb anymore. I imagine my journey will plateau out with days passing and nights still long without you...
I think of you now as I lay crumpled like discarded paper...creased and folded with the lyrics of our love song scattered, faded and torn in places. I think of how you no longer feel pain and yet I suffer for want of you...I think how you are not alone...and I am here surrounded by people and forever lonely.
When the pain at least softens and leaves me with a dull ache...then perhaps I will continue this uphill battle without you till the day you reach out your hand from the sky above to pull me into our arms where I no longer need to walk or climb...but ascend to you in flight
Replies
More love and more joy than the age or time could ever destroy. Your husband says that your love is no fiction; it's real, it's a fact! I will suggest a song for you today, WildRose. Smokey Robinson's "More Love." Search online and listen carefully. This is a song that you'll want to hear today. I'm an "old school" music fan, mostly all classic love songs too. Another song to listen to for your husband's voice is "I'm Sorry" by the Delphonics. Listen to these songs right away. Your husband is speaking from his own lonely heart. I really and truly feel this. It's a drag on him that he had to leave you through passing on. This is a new thing for each of you. Just remember how much he truly loves you, WildRose.
I'll check on you later. And per your comment on my own journal from the other day, rainy days have something in common with the grey feelings of loneliness. This is when we feel like it's raining all over the world. Yes, there is a safe comfort inside of fluffy, crisp bed sheets. And then the home belongs to both of you, thus you will always feel love and safety. I totally understand what you are going through. Never run away from the pain. Somebody loves and needs you to stay strong through the tears. He cares and is standing near you. No matter what, your husband is helping you and he is lighting your way through all this heartache today. It's life and you'll get through.
Best of the memory of his hugs to you today, dear wife and mother of his children. Your life is destined to be throughout all eternity. You only need to believe and keep the faith. And if it's still raining, go outside and cry. I have a song for this one too. Dramatics "In the Rain." Find it, you will feel it. Get a picture of your husband, a hanky, and have that release. Take deep breaths in and out slowly and relax, sweet wild one. :-)
You pen paints a passionate and painful picture of journey on a road Less Traveled. to assist you on the road WR. Please let me share
Trauma, Stress and Recovery three stages on the path to Purpose.
You describe in detail embattledment and that's where WE find ourselves at War. Trauma the Lost after Loss Stress then Strength
To know we are on a Merry Go Round that will only Stop at Recovery. But how do we stop it. How do You bring a Merry Go Round to stop when there is No brake or conductor. Remove the source of Energy that fuels it.
You didnt fall back down the mountain just to start all over again and to ascend up the sane slopes and thru passageways that hold memories that provide the beat of your heart. My Dear WR. Tis the season seems same I been here before
Merry Go Round.
We are Warriors We are in a Battle We are Daily Strength.
Listen to the words..
"Give me this day my daily bread"
I hate it I fear loneliness No one can hear Our HeartBeat or See Our Pain or stop this Merry Go Round of Grief You did not fall Your Journey shifted changed like the Seasons not because you ascended to the top and saw Peace You fell because you just fell. Get up my WR
Let us and all my peeps here at Daily Strength Put on Our Armor fight back Fight and keep going until we reach Recovery and get off this Fucking Merry Go Round
One Community One Concern
Give me this day my daily Bread.
Thank you both for your in-depth and thoughtful responses. I have come here several times to reread these gems. Touched me and made me reflect deep.
Bless you both ❤
Same to you, WildRose, bless you, too. Reflection is a great way to grow in acceptance. Chat later. Have a wonderful rest of the week! (((hugs)))