Pain!!
I am in a see of inner pain. Everyone here are very familiar with this feeling, I know. I am not looking for sympathy, just need to get this out of my system. Truth is, I am drowning!!
I hate this season!! Nothing wrong with this season, just that I do not fit in. While people are in the Christmas spirit, I am in a dark pit of pain and suffering. Unlike times in the past, this time I don't have the strength, energy or will to pull myself out of this deep hole.
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Andelene, this season is very tough on us all but sometimes it is worse than others. I can’t imagine losing the joy of a child at Christmas and seeing her light up with happiness as she opens her gifts. At least with our son, he was an adult although our family has not exchanged gifts since his passing. His father, his brother and myself share a meal and celebrate the Christ child but that is it. There are no grandchildren so that works for us. I know this is no consolation for you but that is how I manage to get through. I am saying a prayer for all of us to get through this normally happy season. Sending my love across the continents, Leda
I so understand. It's exhausting just trying to get through this Christmas season when on the outside, you look okay, but on the inside, it's a topsy turvy ball of yarn. Sometimes all you can do is to BE in the moment - if that's all you can do for now, that's all you can do. Just do the next thing - maybe as simple as remembering to drink water. My heart is heavy this season for us that struggle and can't seem to see the joy or light. I'm glad you came here - I can't fix it, but I am here to listen and pray for you and walk with you during this tender time.
Sending love and hugs - Vicki, Jennifer's mom
Feel it as you are dearest Andelene and hold on tight to your sisters of the heart. We are here for YOU and for one another and you are deeply understood and lovingly supported ALL year long here. I'm grateful that you are sharing because I know that for me somehow just the act of doing that can often help me to feel not so alone and even at times my heart a bit lighter.
I have no doubt that Colleen was and is your Christmas Spirit. You are missing beyond words having that bright light of hers physically in your life and watching her childlike wonder, yet beyond that such a deep wisdom that she had/has. She was and IS the one who knows her mum the best, isn't she? This is a heartache that is felt always and magnified during the holiday time of year, I know.
Feel those cherub arms of hers wrapping around you like the most blessed gift ever given and know that I wish I too could be giving you that kind of hug. Just a hug from another mother who is walking beside you always.
Let the tears come, the sense of ache, the loneliness, the yearning, ALL of it and know that you are not alone. Keep reaching your hand out to ours and we'll help one another.
Hugs of compassion, love and prayers,
XO Joanie
I am so sorry ,dear Andelene (((Hugs)))
You are not alone..We are here for each other. Christmas is really just another day for me.
Over 5 years ago, my Son was moved to another city from his Job...I never heard from
my Son again. Lots of friends on DS know my Story.We ll pray together ...Last year, in
November my youngest daughter got married. For some magical reason I thought my
son would come bec him and his sister always has been very close .Of course my Son
was not at my daughters/his sister Wedding. My heart broke even more for my daughter...
the Wedding went on and it was a very nice Wedding.
For years now I keep hoping and praying....hoping and praying....
I have no Words....But I am here for you Andelene.
Hugs and Love,
Maria
Andelene, I'm so sorry you are hurting so...
I understand completely. The holidays are so mixed for us, aren't they? The expectations of everyone around us who so look forward to the joys of the season. Since Ed passed I do what I can and I don't worry about the rest. I try to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and if I don't feel the rest it's ok. Above anything, take care of yourself. We, as moms of angels, are hurting and fragile. Do whatever makes you feel even a bit better on Christmas.
I hope your depression lifts as I know how painful it is. You are not alone. We walk together. Love to you and dearest Colleen, Linda
Andelene, This time of year is so hard to be without our daughters. I am with you in heart and wish it was not this way. Yet it is so in honor of our girls we must lift our hearts and heads. I am telling you this as I say to myself. I get some peace from simple things like yoga breathing, a walk, seeing birds. It does not change the hurt of not having them here but in the moment I think it honors the girls as they want us to have some peace, This is the truth for sure. Sending you a hug tonight and some peace for this season. Love, Kathy xoxox
Sweet friend, I hear you, WE hear you. Holidays can suck the life right out of you. It's hard. So hard. So you just feel what you feel and express what you can, in any safe way that you can. Scream, cry, curse; laying in the fetal position in your closet, or dancing around the kitchen like a crazy woman!!! It's ALL OK!!!! I've found, for me, I'm always better after I've let it all out. It's then when I can take a deep breath, exhale, dry my face, blow my nose, and keep trying life.
You are in my thoughts and prayers~
Love & Heartfelt Hugs from Across The Pond. Take care of yourself, Andelene.