Panic
I feel panic. Now that my husband and I are home and our granddaughter has gone home, I feel a sense of panic. I am waiting for a dreadful phone call. My brother is not well, my niece has a heart problem - and Lisa died at the age of 37 so if it can happen to her, it can happen to anyone at any time.
I am worried because Cevyn is starting high school next month. She won't have the caring people around her that she had in her small private school. She is a quiet, shy person who does not like to show emotions. She will have to ride a bus to the regional high school where very few people know her.
It is not getting easier. I cry several times a day and have no energy to do anything. I'd call Lisa when I felt down. I have friends who say I can call any time but it just isn't the same. I tried writing to her and talking to her but it isn't the same as talking on the phone. I miss her quirky sense of humour.
Marlene
I am worried because Cevyn is starting high school next month. She won't have the caring people around her that she had in her small private school. She is a quiet, shy person who does not like to show emotions. She will have to ride a bus to the regional high school where very few people know her.
It is not getting easier. I cry several times a day and have no energy to do anything. I'd call Lisa when I felt down. I have friends who say I can call any time but it just isn't the same. I tried writing to her and talking to her but it isn't the same as talking on the phone. I miss her quirky sense of humour.
Marlene
Replies
Dear Marlene,
I can feel your anquish and pain through your journal today. Like your Lisa, our son, Raymond (just shy of 19) died unexpectedly 5 days after coming down with the H1N1 virus, about a month before your daughter died. Raymond passed away on 11/11/09.
I totally \"get\" where you are coming from--worry about everything going on around you and more \"what ifs\" about your brother, grand-daughter, niece, etc. Your mind is on hyper-drive and is trying to control problems that might happen and you know what, there are things in life that you can\'t control. You found that out when your daughter passed away, as did we, when our son died.
In addition to that, you are now retired (if I interpreted your journal correctly) and you even have more time on your hands to think about these things than earlier. You admit that working helped you to make it through the day and your co-workers were quite understanding though it\'s all a blur to you now.
I don\'t know if whether you have access to bereavement counseling through your church, part of your retirement benefits or not, but my husband and I have been going to private bereavement counseling (at first often and now, about every 4-6 weeks) and we attend monthly meetings of a group called Compassionate Friends (free) for parents who have lost children (www.compassionatefriends.org). For us, getting some outside help REALLY helped us cope with the hand that life has dealt. It doesn\'t take away from your loss and the gaping hole in your heart, but it does help you with your coping skills, so you can deal with day to day living. From our experience, I can make this recommendation because I know how it\'s helped us.
Take it a day at a time and if that\'s too much--a morning or afternoon at a time. Some days will be worse than others, but don\'t be afraid to seek out help for yourself and your husband if you need it. We did that and it has helped us more than words can say. It doesn\'t bring back our son, but it has helped us to go on living (and functionning) despite our most profound grief.
Thinking of you,
Elaine
Dear Marlene,
I can feel your anquish and pain through your journal today. Like your Lisa, our son, Raymond (just shy of 19) died unexpectedly 5 days after coming down with the H1N1 virus, about a month before your daughter died. Raymond passed away on 11/11/09.
I totally \"get\" where you are coming from--worry about everything going on around you and more \"what ifs\" about your brother, grand-daughter, niece, etc. Your mind is on hyper-drive and is trying to control problems that might happen and you know what, there are things in life that you can\'t control. You found that out when your daughter passed away, as did we, when our son died.
In addition to that, you are now retired (if I interpreted your journal correctly) and you even have more time on your hands to think about these things than earlier. You admit that working helped you to make it through the day and your co-workers were quite understanding though it\'s all a blur to you now.
I don\'t know if whether you have access to bereavement counseling through your church, part of your retirement benefits or not, but my husband and I have been going to private bereavement counseling (at first often and now, about every 4-6 weeks) and we attend monthly meetings of a group called Compassionate Friends (free) for parents who have lost children (www.compassionatefriends.org). For us, getting some outside help REALLY helped us cope with the hand that life has dealt. It doesn\'t take away from your loss and the gaping hole in your heart, but it does help you with your coping skills, so you can deal with day to day living. From our experience, I can make this recommendation because I know how it\'s helped us.
Take it a day at a time and if that\'s too much--a morning or afternoon at a time. Some days will be worse than others, but don\'t be afraid to seek out help for yourself and your husband if you need it. We did that and it has helped us more than words can say. It doesn\'t bring back our son, but it has helped us to go on living (and functionning) despite our most profound grief.
Thinking of you,
Elaine
I am so sorry Marlene that you are feeling so stressed. It is hard to imagine that life CAN go on, that ANYTHING can ever go right again...but it can. The possiblities are good that your granddaughter LOVES the new school...and others will find their way...it is tough...so tough...but take care of you...put that as a focus. Love and hugs...Karen