Oy vey!
My stbx sent me a picture from graduation tonight. It's the first picture I've seen of him since he expressed his wishes for a divorce. I mean, I've seen pictures of him since then, they're in my screen saver and on the walls of my moms house, but this is the first new picture. It's so strange to look at. It feels like looking at someone I hardly know and then it reminds me of someone I used to know. I keep looking at it to make sure all the feelings associated with it come out. It's weird flip flopping between missing someone I loved and feeling indifference for someone I don't know.
Replies
Hugs! So you both are still friends?
I\'m not sure friends is the right word. That\'s what he wants but I\'m not quite there yet. I care about him and want to be there if he needs me. That\'s what I committed to. It\'s also nice to leave a relationship without all the hate and resentment that sometimes goes with it. We still send emails once in awhile and talk on the phone maybe once or twice a month. There are still a few things I need to say to him too and I want to wait till I can do it honestly, openly and peacefully. I guess I don\'t like to slam doors shut. I like to close them slowly and quietly :)
I UNDERSTAND! I am trying to have an amicable divorce with Tim.
I love the last two sentences! That just summed up what I\'m striving for. Actually the whole paragraph! So, how did your divorce go?
UH... not divorced yet. Haven\'t even file. The thing is he screwed me pretty bad by not telling me he had left the relationship emotionally months ago and let me close my business and move out of my home because I thought we were all moving to Maryland. He waited till I finished doing all that before he told me he was done. That\'s the part I haven\'t dealt with yet. I need to confront him and talk to him about that to be able to let go of that part, but I was waiting till he was not in the stressful position he was in. Now he\'s not :)
So because he knows he put me in this situation he is not pushing for a divorce so I can use his pay and benefits until I\'m done with school and have another job. That will take a year if I really push myself and get lucky but could be as much as 2 years. It sounds strange but I am one of those that feels your marriage licence is a piece of paper that gives you certain rights. The commitment you make to each other goes deeper than that. That\'s broken and so our relationship is done whether I\'m married or not. I don\'t have any plans of getting involved in another relationship any time soon and neither does he so it\'s all good. It helps that he really is a very decent guy. He just has some emotional issues that got in the way of our relationship. I can\'t hate him for that no matter what he\'s done wrong.
I actually like those last two lines too. Think I\'ll make that my status :)
I wish mine had been a decent guy; it\'s adding another layer to it that I let someone take advantage of me. My ex-fiance starting dating one month after we broke up and moved into her house one month later. I\'m having a real problem with that. It\'s like he never reallly cared and I feel so stupid and used, and in a way touched by evil.
WOw! I didn\'t know that. That is nice that you both staying married, to help you. I feel he owes you that, from what I\'ve read....anyway.
I think we all know the best ways of dealing with our divorces. Sometimes the advice given is good and sometimes it\'s not. I have learned that everyone means well, but we know what works for us.
Hugs, new2!!!
Oh he owes me big time. I\'ve worked 12 years to get my business where it was. When he thought about joining the Army he asked me what I thought and I saw that he really wanted it so I supported him, married him and planned on following him wherever he went. My kids were actually looking forward to it and loved him very much. One of them won\'t even talk to him now and all of us are just sitting here trying to catch our breath. I\'m still kicking myself for that part. So thanks for the hugs :)