Over Two Years

For the past two years I've been battling with grief. My ex-husband died 4 June'13 and have not been myself since! I've felt lost, abandoned, empty, and confused. Burt died of an accidental drug over dose, that was my second shock! He hid the drugs from me for 13 years. I always thought it was alcoholism. I haven't stop missing him in all this time! In my heart he was my soul mate! I loved him that much! There is a black hole in my heart where he used to be that I don't how to fill! Now there's a shattered sadness in me I can't seem to shake!
 I've been talking with God a lot and have been baptized. I've been trying to do what God wants of me but have lost the motivation in most things.
I also went on a train trip to Canada to see a new friend. I had a good time and was able to stop thinking of Burt a little and have fun. When I returned to NM I felt awful for having to leave my friend and be alone again.