out of the shadows

this week has been quiet but yesturday I recived my final notice on my loan mod. I had been waiting and waiting since friday. Well I just got it, and it was addressed to my X so I called and apparently she called them tuesday getting info. Monday she recieved a check for 200.00 not 7,000 plus so she is pissed. I just dont have the money, if I did I would gladly pay it and be done with it. So it now leaves me on high alert again, looking where my son goes, I go, knowing she is out there. I am going to recheck all my passwords and resecure myself....shuffle the deck".
I had a decent day wed, and emotionally better for the time being. I have found myself hanging on to her memory desperately trying not to let go. hopping for some small chance she wakes up and makes it right for our son and maybe with me. I am getting to the point that she is gone , gone for good. I need to start rebuilding myself and moving foward.   Its over is starting to sink in!