Out of Hospital already, not ready?
Soothing sms' and calls floating around my head from the significant other made my few nights at the hospital so much easier. I feel like I've manipulated myself out of help. However, whilst coming home to a violent angry s.o. who referred to the hospital the an hour after i got out as a 'nuthouse' really embraced the stupidity and neglect he fills his life with, all the while slipping it into mine.
During my short stay at the hospital I felt as though I was finally exposed to the core of humanity. The beautiful untainted souls we rarley remember when we are but a fetus to about two years old. Where abuse from external surroundings is not able to be perceived and emotionally we seem to be untainted.
We are beautiful beings, but our compassion is weakness, I came out of hospital, with minimal changes, other than being a little less numb. I wanted to understand and accept that we are all lovely people, we adapt and morph into anything unpleasant only when we are exposed to a vile environment.I truly believe compassionate people neglected of care, from whom they seek it from, creates something diabolical.Confused, ungrateful, aggressive, numb.
Underneath, beautiful. Waiting, silently... for their new environment...awakening, lets hope they hear.The amount of hate that surrounds us is sickening. The amount our mind catches and thrives off it is even more sickening. I have always been terrified of death, I don't know if it's changing. Just like love and hate are so strong we can get them easily confused... life and termination, they're just grazing against each other like a knee on cement. It only causes more pain. New pain, driven by tension of existence.
During my short stay at the hospital I felt as though I was finally exposed to the core of humanity. The beautiful untainted souls we rarley remember when we are but a fetus to about two years old. Where abuse from external surroundings is not able to be perceived and emotionally we seem to be untainted.
We are beautiful beings, but our compassion is weakness, I came out of hospital, with minimal changes, other than being a little less numb. I wanted to understand and accept that we are all lovely people, we adapt and morph into anything unpleasant only when we are exposed to a vile environment.I truly believe compassionate people neglected of care, from whom they seek it from, creates something diabolical.Confused, ungrateful, aggressive, numb.
Underneath, beautiful. Waiting, silently... for their new environment...awakening, lets hope they hear.The amount of hate that surrounds us is sickening. The amount our mind catches and thrives off it is even more sickening. I have always been terrified of death, I don't know if it's changing. Just like love and hate are so strong we can get them easily confused... life and termination, they're just grazing against each other like a knee on cement. It only causes more pain. New pain, driven by tension of existence.
Replies
Sounds like the hospital was a safe place for you to let down your guard and encounter your own soft nature. Did you get seduced into leaving too soon? Or we\'re you frightened by the encounter with your inner loveliness and vulnerability?
Even though you may have left too soon, you now know that place exists, and that you can go there to get a break from the need to protect yourself. You can go back and maybe find out how you can live in this world without being as open and vulnerable as an infant on one hand or being totally numbed or hardened on the other. Unlike the fetus to two year old being, a grown woman can make choices and set boundaries that allow her to be alive without being eaten alive. You can do that!
both
((((Jay))))
That\'s a safe hug for you.
Getting out to...him...kind of puts him in a stark relief, doesn\'t it?
You don\'t deserve to be his punching bag.
Nobody deserves to be his punching bag.
He deserves having to grow up.
It\'s a vicious cycle hey. It seems that him being someone elses punching bag has driven him into more immaturity. Thankyou both for your kind words
True that he doesn\'t deserve to be someone else\'s punching bag either.
I wish I knew the way to magically wake up people like that. :(
Hope you\'re doing okay...the feeling that you got in touch with are accurate and spiritually based. I would strongly suggest reading \"the Seat of the Soul\" it will affirm what you\'ve written and deepen your understanding of reality. You really can see yourself and your place in it differently. Things can change. Be safe as you have much beauty inside...