Out of fuel
Saw my shrink again today. Like I already thought he said I'm probably no longer depressed. But that I'm just giving up on myself now. Even though I have the energy, I don't feel particularly urged to do something. I even missed a study-group because I was too lazy to get out of bed, something that didn't happen to me during the whole period that I was depressed. Somewhere inside me I know I'd like to get through this period ok and not bust it up. But I don't have the confidence to see this through. I don't believe in myself enough to be able to see how I'm going to get this done. I'm sort of keeping my life running and still doing the necessary things for my studies, but it's more out of obligation than out of interest or conviction. I kind of like this in a way, caring this little has lifted quite a weight off my shoulders. But feeling so uninspired and relatively numb seems wrong and alien as well. So even if I can't find it in myself to talk strength to me, I hope to find it somewhere else. Though I'm doing well physically, emotionally I'm drained. But even if I don't feel it, I know I don't want to give up now and that this too shall pass. Somehow. (Can someone tell me how?)
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