Out Life: Day 5,6,7 & 8

I had planned to keep a daily journal of my Coming Out process for my own piece of mind, but it seems I've missed the last few days. Life does tend to get in the way. Deadlines for for my freelance clients have been crazy and my one big client had me working on site all week. Whoever said those with art degrees didn't know how to work was sorely mistaken.
Well the past few days have been uneventful (a chat here and there with Mom, nothing monumental)... until today. My father broke down today into full on sobbing. I have never seen him this upset, not even when his grandmother died ten years ago. We sat down and had another chat. It seems neither of my parents truly believe homosexuality is inborn; they think it was a choice or result of some experience. To their credit though I was able to walk them through the world from my eyes. I am also kind of an information sponge so I could even cite scientific precedents, hormonal studies and cases on fetal development. They seemed wary, but at least seem open to the idea that I was born "fabulous". My dad said something that kind of hurt, he wanted to know what he did that turned me gay. I looked him and my mom dead in the eyes and said "You two are now and have always been THE BEST parents in the world, you did not make me gay, because I've always been gay. You have done everything right as far as I'm concerned". This seems to have worked.
We moved to the subject of their bigotry and prejudices and sadly this was somewhat of a failure. They do not see their stereotyping as a sign of bigotry. They even said "We interact with gay people all the time, we just... never... wanted it to be our son". Even with that admitted, they do not believe they are prejudiced. I however got something from the conversation, I was made aware of my own prejudices. My parents pointed out to me that my lack of faith and trust in the past to tell them the truth was itself a form of bigotry and you know what...? They're right. So my parents may still hold warped views of equality, but they helped me realize mine aren't exactly perfect either. The difference here though is that I want to work on mine.
Now for the big news. Once my parents and I finished our heart to heart, I made them leave the house. I collected all the car keys and spare car keys and waited for my brother to get home. Once he was in his room, I blocked his door and waited for him to sit down and told him the truth. For all his supposed machismo, his response was "uh-huh... well, I don't care. You're my brother, I love you and I'm proud of you, whatever you decide to do with your life is your business". You could have knocked me over with a feather. The very least I expected was to get a black eye and perhaps have to chase him as he tried to leave the house (hence why I took all of the car keys). It just proved to me that, yeah, I do have some prejudice, I couldn't even trust my familys' love for me. I am so glad I am aware of this, because it has lifted even more stress and pressure. I just have to trust that those who love me, love me.
I'm not naive enough to think that my brother is totally fine with this. i do expect more family talks and him to voice his deeper concerns, but I think we, as a family are on a healthy track to normalcy. It may not be the normalcy we all envisioned, but it is a normalcy where we are all happy.
 
Stay tuned,
Steve

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

What a humbling experience... thanks 4 sharing. I know I can learn a lot from what you\'ve talked about. Take care Steve. Your friend, Ash.