Our biggest battles are the ones where we fight with ourselves.
Thank God for Lowes and online shopping! I was able to look up fencing on the store's site for my area, and it turns out they've got two options that will work.... a wood fence for about $40.00 per panel (I'll need 11 and that's IF I go from front to back completely), and a vinyl one for $80.00 per panel. SWEET! Especially since the vinyl one would make my house look AWESOME and his house look mismatched, lol. All I have left to do now is find out how much the handyman will cost because we're gonna have a problem with a very rocky corner of the yard where we need it the most...
And my neighbor – still MIA.
So remember how I said the other day that this was a test of my character? Well, here's where it is: ANGER.
With my X it was easy – I used my anger to focus on what I wanted. Because I spent our 30 year marriage learning how he ticked – and he spent those same 30 years drunk - I kept telling myself to use it to stay focused and it worked.
But this situation is WAY more difficult. Because I want 2 opposite things with the same amount of intensity.... Revenge and Peace. I know, I know, revenge is like poisoning yourself and expecting them to die. And it's true... because those first two days they were gone I STEWED. Silly little fantasies ran through my mind, like putting up a banner on my side of the chain link fence that says “you went this far because you wouldn't pet a dog?” so he'd have to explain to his kids why he was SO nasty and maybe leave me alone because he'd see it whenever he went outside.... and the more I thought about it, the more my anger grew and grew....
But then on the other side: when I realized they were gone and I relaxed, I got my happy back... laughed with the dogs as they wrestled for attention when it rained, got a chance to ask the other neighbors to watch the house and heard THEIR stories about problems they've had with him (made me feel better) AND I had another ADVENTURE while out hiking when it was sunny (more on that in a minute).... and I realized that THIS is what it's really all about. And he wouldn't get it anyways if I did follow through with revenge...
I'm not good at letting go... especially when it means my animals and my finances could be harmed with just a single phone call (city said that even though HE threatened my dog, if my dog barks at him at all now, the DOG becomes a nuisance and I could be fined $101.00 per incident!) And even though I work in an office where there's cameras on me all day long, I'm TOTALLY creeped out when I go outside at home because he watches so he can follow me (and there's really no way I can avoid it unless I plant a MONSTER tree in between our houses - his house towers over my little bungalow and the space between isn't that big). And I worry about the dogs that come to visit that I enjoy so much – is he gonna report me to the city again if he sees someone else's dog in my yard? Am I going to lose those friends because they'll be sucked into this? I only have SIX, friends that is, due to the whole isolation/abuse thing, so it's not like I've got a ton to spare... and what about legal costs as I can't afford an attorney... And I even worry about his kids – that was ME 30 years ago.... living with an abusive person... (yep, my past is coming up to haunt me)... I know, I know... worry is like praying for what you don't want.
So I'm fumbling here a bit... I guess all I can really do is take a leap of faith... get that fence up, decorate it, go back to letting the dogs play, maybe start refusing some of the friends that want me to sit for them so that I can enjoy MY time a little more.... besides, if I said yes to all the dates they'd like me to watch their dogs, I'd DEFINITELY have the city breathing down my neck and would have to forget about biking, lol. Yep, I need to let this go.... Come on, STRENGTH, I need you now....
And so the ADVENTURE... a simple walk in the woods, really. Rain had quit an hour before, sun was shining, so I drove my 3 dogs (2 border collies and a jack russell) and my friend's dog (a crazy weimereiner) up to the closest trail. It's wide, lots of running room where I can watch the dogs as they play off leash (and see if any mountain lions are in the area), and it only goes out a mile to a stream in the middle of a large meadow that is surrounded by large pine trees. Wildflowers were everywhere; I watched the butterflies bounce from flower to flower, listened to the grass under my feet, saw a herd of white tail deer, one with a full set of horns, run off as we came over the first ridge. The dogs found gopher holes but no gophers, a dead cow from last year (and listened to me when I called them away from it, thank God) and when we reached the stream, they all had a little swim. The wind was strong... so much so, that I thought about that old saying “when a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” And after the swim, we turned back, started walking away, and not knowing why, I looked to my left, slightly behind me, and CRACK! A pine tree, at least 40 feet tall with a trunk about 2 feet thick, snapped off about 5 feet from the ground and..... CRASH, CRASH, CRASH, CRASH, CRASH as it slowly went down. WOW. And then, after it bounced off the ground, I realized I had my camera in my pocket. DUH. Well, it was pretty cool anyways, lol. And yep, it makes a HUGE sound.....
LATER!
And my neighbor – still MIA.
So remember how I said the other day that this was a test of my character? Well, here's where it is: ANGER.
With my X it was easy – I used my anger to focus on what I wanted. Because I spent our 30 year marriage learning how he ticked – and he spent those same 30 years drunk - I kept telling myself to use it to stay focused and it worked.
But this situation is WAY more difficult. Because I want 2 opposite things with the same amount of intensity.... Revenge and Peace. I know, I know, revenge is like poisoning yourself and expecting them to die. And it's true... because those first two days they were gone I STEWED. Silly little fantasies ran through my mind, like putting up a banner on my side of the chain link fence that says “you went this far because you wouldn't pet a dog?” so he'd have to explain to his kids why he was SO nasty and maybe leave me alone because he'd see it whenever he went outside.... and the more I thought about it, the more my anger grew and grew....
But then on the other side: when I realized they were gone and I relaxed, I got my happy back... laughed with the dogs as they wrestled for attention when it rained, got a chance to ask the other neighbors to watch the house and heard THEIR stories about problems they've had with him (made me feel better) AND I had another ADVENTURE while out hiking when it was sunny (more on that in a minute).... and I realized that THIS is what it's really all about. And he wouldn't get it anyways if I did follow through with revenge...
I'm not good at letting go... especially when it means my animals and my finances could be harmed with just a single phone call (city said that even though HE threatened my dog, if my dog barks at him at all now, the DOG becomes a nuisance and I could be fined $101.00 per incident!) And even though I work in an office where there's cameras on me all day long, I'm TOTALLY creeped out when I go outside at home because he watches so he can follow me (and there's really no way I can avoid it unless I plant a MONSTER tree in between our houses - his house towers over my little bungalow and the space between isn't that big). And I worry about the dogs that come to visit that I enjoy so much – is he gonna report me to the city again if he sees someone else's dog in my yard? Am I going to lose those friends because they'll be sucked into this? I only have SIX, friends that is, due to the whole isolation/abuse thing, so it's not like I've got a ton to spare... and what about legal costs as I can't afford an attorney... And I even worry about his kids – that was ME 30 years ago.... living with an abusive person... (yep, my past is coming up to haunt me)... I know, I know... worry is like praying for what you don't want.
So I'm fumbling here a bit... I guess all I can really do is take a leap of faith... get that fence up, decorate it, go back to letting the dogs play, maybe start refusing some of the friends that want me to sit for them so that I can enjoy MY time a little more.... besides, if I said yes to all the dates they'd like me to watch their dogs, I'd DEFINITELY have the city breathing down my neck and would have to forget about biking, lol. Yep, I need to let this go.... Come on, STRENGTH, I need you now....
And so the ADVENTURE... a simple walk in the woods, really. Rain had quit an hour before, sun was shining, so I drove my 3 dogs (2 border collies and a jack russell) and my friend's dog (a crazy weimereiner) up to the closest trail. It's wide, lots of running room where I can watch the dogs as they play off leash (and see if any mountain lions are in the area), and it only goes out a mile to a stream in the middle of a large meadow that is surrounded by large pine trees. Wildflowers were everywhere; I watched the butterflies bounce from flower to flower, listened to the grass under my feet, saw a herd of white tail deer, one with a full set of horns, run off as we came over the first ridge. The dogs found gopher holes but no gophers, a dead cow from last year (and listened to me when I called them away from it, thank God) and when we reached the stream, they all had a little swim. The wind was strong... so much so, that I thought about that old saying “when a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” And after the swim, we turned back, started walking away, and not knowing why, I looked to my left, slightly behind me, and CRACK! A pine tree, at least 40 feet tall with a trunk about 2 feet thick, snapped off about 5 feet from the ground and..... CRASH, CRASH, CRASH, CRASH, CRASH as it slowly went down. WOW. And then, after it bounced off the ground, I realized I had my camera in my pocket. DUH. Well, it was pretty cool anyways, lol. And yep, it makes a HUGE sound.....
LATER!
Replies
You are so good and smart! Glad you found that fencing online at Lowe\'s, if you want my advice(which of course means nothing!LOL!)do your utmost to get the vinyl fencing! You don\'t have to paint and like you said it will really make your house look finished! I really looked into fencing a few years ago, the fence along side one neighbors property, fell over! It was our fence. X was so slow, he refused to listen to any of my ideas about what to replace it with, that neighbor actually got a letter from HER house insurance saying if it wasn\'t fixed they would not renew HER insurance. So he put of a decent wood fence, but to this day has never finished it!! That was back in 2007! But he got it up enough her insurance went through!. Amazing when trees break! I have been walking away from standing under a 60ft eucalyptus when it broke, felt the breeze of the leaves as fell be hind me and when an old dead pine fell(that was farther away). You are so right about revenge and how your mind just won\'t let it go! Glad to hear you have everything under control! Keep on doing what your doing, its great!
(((HUGS)))
Another suggestion.
My boss\'s neighbour did it because he sounds like your neighbour and has a thing about my boss\'s dogs.
You could plant bamboo along the perimeter of your property. Within a year or two it has grown into this really high impenetrable barrier for minimal cost. So it would screen you off completely from having to even see the neighbour.
The only thing I warn you is it can take over your yard, so you need to bury an 8\" deep barrier along your side of it so that the roots can\'t spread your way when it puts out runners. Just a thought.
You also need to put that barrier on the side next to your neighbor so it doesnt take over his yard. I think bamboo might be a great idea if you can wait the year for it to grow enough to screen your house from the neighbor.
The bamboo might be cheaper, but I think the vinyl fencing is a better long-term investment. That stuff is virtually indestructible and it will increase the value of your property (you DO own the place, don\'t you?) And even though you can install an underground barrier to keep bamboo from taking over YOUR YARD, unless you want to dig on both sides of the perimeter, it will eventually start sprouting in your neighbors yard -- cause for another fight I\'m sure.
Thanks for the suggestions! Question - does bamboo survive 9 months of winter? (think FEET of snow, October to May (sometimes September, sometimes June).
Also, I planted those 12 foot tall sunflowers (they\'re about a foot tall now), and lilacs (which wilted but are still green), but I don\'t think I have time enough to wait for them to grow in. My house looks like a welcoming little cottage - think small, picket fence kind of place. White trim, straw colored wood siding (shake shingles)... and I\'m decorating it with a dog theme, lol (a little doggie is going to be sitting next to the bird bath in the front). Vinyl is gonna look AWESOME - when I can afford it. I just lost one of my odd jobs yesterday - that makes me $200 short on my budget thursday. Oh well, I\'ll be able to recoup that later. The fencing however.... still working on that. Oh yeah (said with a grin)... my property continues beyond my fence by 3 more feet (more on that in my next journal post).