Our Anniversary

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary!  Wow, 16 years.  That is such a long time to be with one person.  We have had our ups and downs but nothing like this year.  We are also 2 months post D-Day.  That tends to put a damper on the normal celebration feelings.  I am not exactly sure how to feel today.  Should I be happy?  Sad?  I feel mostly happy but still a little sad too.  He started the day out good though.  He gave me a dozen beautiful, yellow with red tip roses.  They are my absolute favorite!  It meant more to me than 2 dozen red ones would have.  He gave me a card that simply said that he loved me and would forever be true to me. My H put a new ring on my finger this morning and told me that he loves me and will never hurt me again.  It was wonderful and heartfelt but also bittersweet.  This is a new beginning for us.  I put a new ring on his finger also and told him I loved him and may it remind him everyday that I am here with him.  We are retiring our original wedding rings.   I do have mixed emotions about this.  I do love him deeply but I am afraid of being hurt again.  I am deciding to come down off the fence and put my heart back into my marriage.  It does not mean that I won't still have pain and heartache but I CHOOSE to be here. I know that the road is still long and hard to recovery.  I know we can do this!  We are recommitting ourselves to each other this year and will renew our vows on our 17th anniversary.  We are already making plans for it.   I am hoping and praying our love for each other can overcome this.  I pray that 2010 will be a better year for us!  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Congradulations on your Anniversary. It sounds to me like it got a beautiful start. Im happy for you. Try as hard as it is I know, to enjoy your Anniversary it only comes once a year and let yourself celebrate your marriage and years together. I hope you have many more.
slwaite
slwaite

Thanks!!! So far, today has been a good day. We have too many together to just give up. I am not able to give up on 16 years yet. He is really trying and I have to give him that credit. Even though he broke my heart and almost destroyed us, he is giving it all he can to try to make it right again.

Thanks for the support.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey, I have been off here for a few weeks & just got to read your journal entry. Congratulations! I am happpy to hear that your anniversary went well!! It sounds like you have made a good start in the rebuilding process. I hope he continues to be there for you & doesn\'t let you down you truly deserve to be happy & fulfilled in your marriage.
slwaite
slwaite

I hope he does also. There are days that I have doubts but I have to remember to talk to him about it. I have to remember that he is not a mind-reader. I am still having a hard time grasping that he had \"checked out\" of our marriage by asking me for a divorce and then did a total 180 to choose me. That part is one of the hardest to get past. I am having to get past the feeling that I was being put out with yesterday\'s garbage. That 16 years together was not enough for him to want to stay and work things out. He then decides to stay...WTF!!! How do you just stop feelings like that? How do you make decisions like that? I am at a loss on how he does it. It blows my mind trying to figure it out.

But he has recommitted to me. He is doing better and I am trying to move past this. I told him last night that he has make sure (at least for a long while) that I KNOW I am the only one on his mind and in his heart. He is to make sure that I have no doubts about him. About us! It is going to be his responsibility to increase my security in us. I can\'t and won\'t do it alone. I told him that he had shattered every confidence that I had in us, as a wife, as a mother and as a WOMAN! I told him that he stripped away every piece of security I had in our marriage. I told him that he has to remind me of why I love him, why I married him and why I desire him. He has a lot to do for a long time.

He said he wants us to stay together 100%. There is no doubt in his mind on this. I told him that he 100% took that away from me the night he asked me for a divorce. I know that it cannot be a one-way relationship. I must do my part and I am, but I told him that without his help on all of the above items, I may not make it back from this. I won\'t stay in a marriage without the trust and security it offers. I won\'t stay without feeling some of the way I used to.

I hope that what I have said helps you. I know your situation is different but maybe it will help some. I hope things get better for you too. We all deserve the happiness that we want. Keep your head up.
S