Our Anniversary

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary!  Wow, 16 years.  That is such a long time to be with one person.  We have had our ups and downs but nothing like this year.  We are also 2 months post D-Day.  That tends to put a damper on the normal celebration feelings.  I am not exactly sure how to feel today.  Should I be happy?  Sad?  I feel mostly happy but still a little sad too.  He started the day out good though.  He gave me a dozen beautiful, yellow with red tip roses.  They are my absolute favorite!  It meant more to me than 2 dozen red ones would have.  He gave me a card that simply said that he loved me and would forever be true to me. My H put a new ring on my finger this morning and told me that he loves me and will never hurt me again.  It was wonderful and heartfelt but also bittersweet.  This is a new beginning for us.  I put a new ring on his finger also and told him I loved him and may it remind him everyday that I am here with him.  We are retiring our original wedding rings.   I do have mixed emotions about this.  I do love him deeply but I am afraid of being hurt again.  I am deciding to come down off the fence and put my heart back into my marriage.  It does not mean that I won't still have pain and heartache but I CHOOSE to be here. I know that the road is still long and hard to recovery.  I know we can do this!  We are recommitting ourselves to each other this year and will renew our vows on our 17th anniversary.  We are already making plans for it.   I am hoping and praying our love for each other can overcome this.  I pray that 2010 will be a better year for us!