Other potential topics for book
Daily Show with Jon Stewart is a rerun, so here I am, back at the computer. I'm nearly complete with the first draft of this book. It's getting better reviews than I had imagined from colleagues and consultants in the firld of rape work. I'm trying to brainstorm about any topics I may have missed that ought to be included, knowing that I also can't possibly include everything. Here are some other possibile inclusions, so please comment if any of them gets your attention. *I feel guilty that I didn't report or prosecute*Will anyone fall in love with me now?*How do I cope with triggers during gynecology and dental appointments?*Can a woman be raped and not realize it was rape?*What if his name is a trigger? Other suggestions are welcome, of course.
Replies
Can a woman be raped and not realize it was rape is a great topic to cover. Because I think that some of us do not realize that what happened to us is rape. Especially if it was date rape or rape by a husband or wife.
\"*How do I cope with triggers during gynecology and dental appointments?\" I\'m nervous because I\'m up for the first exam since I did the rape kit... Moreso on should I tell the gynecologist I was raped 7 months ago...? but bringing up the fact I was raped might make me cry... And get nervous... I\'m not nervous about it being a trigger because my rape was not anything like a gynelogical visit...
Because I was orally raped and sodomized, any exam does cause me great stress and my greatest fear is acting in a normal exam, in an \'inappropriate\' manner. If they don\'t know, they can\'t help you through a possible problem. During a recent gynecologic exam, my gyn rotated the speculum to view a different area. In so doing, the speculum caught a tiny piece of skin and pinched. In order to release the skin, he had to press harder for a second to unscrew the speculum. He is aware of my history. He knew it hurt me, I knew he didn\'t intend to harm me. But, I went on to faint just the same. If he hadn\'t known about my history or my triggers, which my therapist had sahred with him on my behest, I may have been viewed in a less compassionate manner. Yes, by all means, this is an issue. I have had my teeth cleaned exactly twice since 1970. I employ excellent hygiene, and I have never had a cavity, but I cannot submit to a dental examination. I am sure I am not the only rape victim who neglects appropriate medical/dental care because of her rape.
All of those are great topics that I think most of us deal with. For myself medical and dental care have been major problems and tips would be great.
Can a woman be raped and not realize it\'s rape... well, I think I\'m a pro at that one. It would be nice to see it covered. Yeah. I\'m still in denial, but there are some chinks in my armor that I don\'t know how to patch up. I guess no matter what we chose to call it, it\'s going to have affects on us. Dang it.
I\'m really looking forward to reading your work.
Great feedback. I\'m working on the medical one as we speak, but it\'s so difficult for me to write. You know, me being a male and all--who am I to say \"boo\" about an OB/GYN issue? So I\'m talking with former patients asking for help, but it\'s such a difficult issue I\'m having trouble finding enthusiastic contribution.
When I did the OB/GYN last, I was pregnant. Haven\'t been since, so I can\'t help you there.
I did however make it to the dentist last month (and will be going again as soon as I can get an appointment.) I chose to just face it head on and tell the assistant that I had been orally raped and so having someone standing over me and putting things in my mouth was quite difficult for me. We talked about what might help and I told her that it would be helpful if I didn\'t have to stay in the chair while the Novocain worked. If I could wander around it would just relieve some stress and make it \'go faster\'. She was fine with that and offered to come get me if I wanted to walk around outside for ten minutes or so. It really did help! I wasn\'t laying in that blasted chair wondering how I was going to react or just being tense with the anticipation. It made the entire visit that much \'shorter\' because I wasn\'t in the chair the full time.
I don\'t know if she told the dentist, but he seemed to make sure to keep tools to the side and he sat in a chair while he worked... not standing over me.
I came out very encouraged because I DID IT. Something I had put off out of sheer dread for years, and finally it was behind me and was a positive experience. :o)
By the way... my son is 21 now, so um.. it\'s been awhile.