ordeal to just exist
Friday was three months for my cat to be...gone; that event has certainly slowed me down a lot.
And, it was a week ago? I had a dream/nightmare of almost passing out from toxic gas, with me in the dream/nightmare trying to stop myself from dying from the gas; hopefully, I didn't wake up screaming, like I have once or twice....with comical results from people who heard me.
A local paper this morning had about somebody 30 years younger than me committing suicide with hydrogen sulfide---which is what also comes from sewer pipes, which is what my cat and me were stuck inhaling for a week when the downstairs apt had its toilet removed and pipe wasn't plugged up.
An ordeal just to get dressed to go right outside my building to feed a poor abandoned cat twice a day----with poor cat stuck spending most of its day under a collapsed metal basement door.
Tomorrow to get my last twenty dollars out of the bank; will have a whole seven dollars in my savings then---but at least this new bank doesn't charge any fines for having so little savings in a person's account.
At age 55 I'm getting liver spots on my face; downright ridiculous to get a liver spot days after some 15 minute bike ride, though blood pressure medication and once having red hair does make me ultra-sensitive to the sun.
Me in such slow motion; takes days for me to finally do something that should only take a few minutes.
A whole month of not biking to walmart, in spring, when I biked in winters over ice and snow; read a week ago of an elderly man riding a bike and hit when a car accidently crossed lanes.
I really should be happy...enough; are no real problems in my life, "just" being alone.
Eh...
(talking to myself; not looking for comments; would take me 4ever to reply)
And, it was a week ago? I had a dream/nightmare of almost passing out from toxic gas, with me in the dream/nightmare trying to stop myself from dying from the gas; hopefully, I didn't wake up screaming, like I have once or twice....with comical results from people who heard me.
A local paper this morning had about somebody 30 years younger than me committing suicide with hydrogen sulfide---which is what also comes from sewer pipes, which is what my cat and me were stuck inhaling for a week when the downstairs apt had its toilet removed and pipe wasn't plugged up.
An ordeal just to get dressed to go right outside my building to feed a poor abandoned cat twice a day----with poor cat stuck spending most of its day under a collapsed metal basement door.
Tomorrow to get my last twenty dollars out of the bank; will have a whole seven dollars in my savings then---but at least this new bank doesn't charge any fines for having so little savings in a person's account.
At age 55 I'm getting liver spots on my face; downright ridiculous to get a liver spot days after some 15 minute bike ride, though blood pressure medication and once having red hair does make me ultra-sensitive to the sun.
Me in such slow motion; takes days for me to finally do something that should only take a few minutes.
A whole month of not biking to walmart, in spring, when I biked in winters over ice and snow; read a week ago of an elderly man riding a bike and hit when a car accidently crossed lanes.
I really should be happy...enough; are no real problems in my life, "just" being alone.
Eh...
(talking to myself; not looking for comments; would take me 4ever to reply)
Replies
Hello Mike. I am having a really tough go right now with panic attacks and not wanting to leave the house or do anything, so I can totally relate.
I just got put on a BP drug too and Doctor did not mention it making me more sensitive to the sun so thanks for mentioning it.
Found out recently I have a touch of chronic bronchitis and maybe a little COPD. Oh GOODIE!!!!
On the plus side it gives me the perfect excuse not to attend the large family gatherings full of dirty dogs and snot nosed kids.....
But now I am so paranoid about going out I fear turning into a germophobe, recluse Howard Hughes. It is a beautiful spring day here and I need to force myself outdoors for some exercise, but I hate having to smear myself with sunscreen. Oh well
Time to get off the pity pot and go do SOMETHING! Thanks for listening.
I hear what you are saying.... It is not pleasant getting older and I am finding my body breaking down in ways I could not comprent in my \"better days\"... I have dreams like that sometimes... They are really scary... I have woken up screaming, but it is a half scream, not a real scream if that makes sense... For it to have been tied directly to the experience you had with your landlord and the apartment issues you had clearly states it was a traumatic experience for both of you and I am sorry you went through that... Take good care of yourself in your isolatation... As I shall take good care of myself...
It takes me forever to get anything done these days too. But at least we are still functioning right?
TrojanThunder,
I\'m sorry to hear about your panic attacks, and bronchitis, since I can relate with my staying indoors more now, and ocassional coughs.
my walmart blood pressure pills container even always have a warning on side of being careful about driving or using heavy machinery
Lilaolivia,
I had one of my premonition dreams, as crazy as that might seem: had a dream of police trying to break in my door, and a day or two later, police did knock---but they were looking for somebody from group home upstairs from me.
KellyPaterson,
yeah, I am glad to be functioning, especially when I\'m waiting on my two feet for the bus at walmart, and see another mini-bus pull up to unload some poor soul in a wheelchair.