Opposites attract...and comfort.
Today was the big memorial down in Texas for everyone, including my friend. I got home and had missed the intro, but luckily hadn't missed the eulogy for my friend. I watched for close to 2 1/2 hours, bawling the entire time. It was so moving and emotional! DH came home about halfway in, saw me sitting at my computer watching the feed and weeping into my own hands, and just massaged me, quietly took care of the dog, and then just put his arms around me. When it was over, he bundled me up, asked if I felt up to walking, and took me out to dinner "because you don't want to cook right now".
It's always been frustrating to me to try and comfort DH when he's upset, because he's not an emoter. He likes to be left alone to stew with his thoughts until he can rationalize his way through them. On the other hand, I'm a water works factory...I could go to a wedding or funeral for someone I've never met and cry inconsolably. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even though DH doesn't want comfort himself, he has never once teased or mocked me when I burst into tears, and he knows exactly how to sit and not say anything and just hold me until the tears go away.
When we were first married, I was deeply bothered by the fact that my husband was often rather stoic and not as open with his feelings. It grated on me, and made me assume he just didn't care. But after 7 years of marriage, he's become my anchor. I think so heavily about my friend's wife...how she's lost the person she can turn to and get instant comfort, and how lucky I am to have mine to see me through the grief.
Lately, I've been finding a lot of truth in the saying "You can't always get what you want, but when you look, you'll realize you always get what you need." We have no control over the bad shit that happens. But we have things available to us to help us navigate through the bad shit. And for that, I am SO grateful.
It's always been frustrating to me to try and comfort DH when he's upset, because he's not an emoter. He likes to be left alone to stew with his thoughts until he can rationalize his way through them. On the other hand, I'm a water works factory...I could go to a wedding or funeral for someone I've never met and cry inconsolably. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Even though DH doesn't want comfort himself, he has never once teased or mocked me when I burst into tears, and he knows exactly how to sit and not say anything and just hold me until the tears go away.
When we were first married, I was deeply bothered by the fact that my husband was often rather stoic and not as open with his feelings. It grated on me, and made me assume he just didn't care. But after 7 years of marriage, he's become my anchor. I think so heavily about my friend's wife...how she's lost the person she can turn to and get instant comfort, and how lucky I am to have mine to see me through the grief.
Lately, I've been finding a lot of truth in the saying "You can't always get what you want, but when you look, you'll realize you always get what you need." We have no control over the bad shit that happens. But we have things available to us to help us navigate through the bad shit. And for that, I am SO grateful.
Replies
Love this! So glad you have a wonderful DH that can comfort you when you need it. (HUGS)
This made me tear up! You are absolutely right! And I\'m so sorry to hear of your loss...
Your DH sounds pretty awesome! Mine is the same way with his emotions (darn men) but its nice they still realize what we need when we are a blubbering mess.
I am sorry for your loss of your friend. And for his wife/family, as well as everyone else in West.
I am deeply sorry I am for your loss, and for your friend\'s wife and child. I really loved reading your journal, I love how something so sad and negative gave you perspective to see some positive and good within your own world, and that you are able to feel gratitude even in difficult situations. I\'m glad DH has been there to comfort you during this time. I feel a lot of gratitude that I have a comforting and supportive DH too (well, most of the time anyway, there are sometimes those IF moments where he just doesn\'t get it). Anyway, big hugs to you! Sending you much strength.
I\'m sitting here crying for you......I\'m so sorry you had to let someone go that you cared about so much!! One of my best friends husband\'s was killed tragically in a motorcycle accident, so the tragedy of this hits home for me. I am glad that your DH consoled you......and your right, it does seem like the longer your married, the closer you become, and even though you explained he deals with things differently (internally) like most DH\'s do (mine does also), he showed you respect and gave you what you needed.....
I\'m sending you a big strong hug, and my thoughts and prayers go out to you, DH, your baby, and the families of Texas during this difficult time. HUGS!!!!